


Hello, Welcome Home

by Ravens_World



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Drug Withdrawal, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Justin-centric, M/M, Mostly ignores Season 3, Not Canon Compliant, Past Child Abuse, Post-Season/Series 02, Reposted from this account
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-10-04 08:54:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 27,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20468360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravens_World/pseuds/Ravens_World
Summary: “It took two days for Justin to crack under the pressure of the crushing guilt. Two days filled with bickering with Clay, helping Mrs Jensen cook, movie nights and comforting hugs.”The Aftermath of Season 2, Justin-Centric.Previously posted on RavenWriter96 and Abandoned, now I'm writing it again and reposting here! (Same Author)





	1. Thought I found a way out

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xDaydreamerx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xDaydreamerx/gifts).

> Hello, all!
> 
> Some of you might feel this is familiar, and you'd be right. I wrote this fic about a year ago, and I never got to finish it because of some personal problems, so now I'm reposting from my new account.
> 
> I'll be posting every 2-4 days, depending on how fast I finish writing the last two chapters. the reason for this is because I want the most exposure, so that hopefully a big majority of the people who read it before can see it now.
> 
> To New Readers: Thank you for reading this, and please note that it's not S3 compliant. I hope you'll enjoy nevertheless.
> 
> To Old Readers: I'm sorry I left the story unfinished. I know a lot of you might not remember it, but I always have, and I always regretted leaving it unfinished. I know how much that sucks, so I wanted to finish it.
> 
> To xDaydreamerx: After I deleted my acoount, I kept coming back to read your comments, and it's because of your kind and enthusiastic words that I even got back into writing, so Thank you. 
> 
> I hope everyone enjoys! please let me know what you think.

Justin, for the majority of the past few weeks, hadn’t thought having Jess back was a possibility, not after everything. He’d wanted it, yes, but he never expected it to happen. Yet, here she was, in his lap, kissing him, one hand in his hair, the other loosening his tie. And it should have felt like everything he wanted, but it didn't. It felt good, _she_ felt good, but it also felt wrong to be doing this.

“Jess,” Justin said quietly, gently putting his hands on top of hers, stilling her fingers. “Jess, Stop.”

Jessica immediately stopped, pulling back to look at his face, her brows furrowed. “What?”

“Jess, we can’t do this.” She looked shocked for a few seconds, and he couldn’t blame her. _He_ was shocked he’d stopped her. He took a deep breath, and gently covered her body with the dress, tying the belt sloppily, all the while avoiding her eyes. When he did gather the courage to look up, Jessica looked angry and confused. And Justin hated himself, because she’d been happy earlier, with Alex. He should’ve let his feelings for her go, but instead of doing the right thing, he’d selfishly acted on his feelings, had managed to mess things up for her.

“Why?” Despite the anger in her eyes, her voice was steady, and firm, and she was still sitting in his lap. It wasn’t exactly the best position for them to be having this conversation, but he decided to let her lead. He must’ve taken too long to answer, because hurt replaced the anger in her eyes, and she scoffed. "Is it because I’m damaged goods now? You don’t want Bryce’s –“

“Stop. Stop right there. That is not why I don’t want to do this, Jess, and you know it.”

She got up, putting some distance between them, and turned her back to him. “What happened, what I did to you, what I let him do to you? Jess, that will always hang over our heads. I’ll always be a reminder of what happened. And you’ll always think, in the back of your mind, that I could’ve, should’ve, stopped it. And you’d be right.”

“Justin-“Her voice, her expression, softened, but he didn’t let that stop him.

“You know that it’s true, Jess. Deep down, you know that. I know you’ve forgiven me, I know, and I love you for it. I’m so grateful to you, because you’re one of the few people in my life who have given me a chance. But we can’t be together, that’s a line we shouldn’t cross.”

Jessica stared at him, not angry, but not exactly happy either. “If you really believe that, then why string me along? The looks across the room, leaving when you saw me with Alex…”she trailed off as a look of horror crossed her face. ”Oh god, Alex. What did I do?”

Justin rose up and put his hands out in a placating manner. “Jess, you weren’t thinking. Neither of us were. He won’t hold it against you. If you want, you could tell him it was all me, I don’t mind.” He did mind, actually, because Alex was one of the few people who seemed to give a damn about him, but if it made things easier for Jess? He’d gladly let Alex hate him if it meant Jess would be happy.

She shook her head gently and smiled, though it was small and sad. “I don’t want to lie to him.” The huge amount of relief he felt when she said this was surprising and obvious too, because Jess seemed to see it. Her smile widened and became a bit softer. “I think you’re right, though. We shouldn't do this.”

He sighed in relief. Up until this moment, he hadn’t been sure he _was_ right. He loved her, he knew that much, but right now, being her friend felt far more appealing than anything else. And there was the matter of Alex, too. The guy had already been through a lot, and the thought of adding to that turned Justin’s stomach, and from the look on Jess’ face, she felt the same way. It had hurt, seeing her with someone else, and he was sure it always will, but if it meant she was happy, that they were both happy, then Justin would learn to accept it, eventually.

“I’m gonna go fix this mess,” she gestured at her rumpled dress. ”And then I’ll find Alex,” she continued after a short, awkward silence. Justin panicked, because the words felt final, and he didn’t want to lose her, not again.

“Jess, please tell me I didn’t lose you.” He cursed internally, because he hadn’t meant to say it out loud. He’d wanted to be selfless, let her decide if she wanted him to be in her life after everything. But he was selfish, and a coward, and he didn’t want to lose her.

“Oh, Justin,” she said as she slowly walked towards him. Seconds later, she was hugging him, and it felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. “You’re not gonna lose me, okay? I’m here, I’m always going to be here, I promise.”

“Thank you,” he whispered into her shoulder, tightening his arms around her. She did the same, and he relished in the comfort her arms provided. He pulled away and smiled at her. “Go find Alex,” the words hurt to say, but not as much as he expected them to, and it made him feel a bit of peace, knowing that he did the right thing, not just for Jessica, but for himself too.

* * *

Seeing Clay with a gun pointed at him was easily one of the worst, and most frightening, things Justin had ever witnessed. And leaving him there, to save himself, was easily one of the worst things he had done. It felt like he was doing to Clay what he had done to Jess that night. The thought brought him to a halt, his abrupt stop causing Jessica to bump into his back. He let go of her hand, which he’d been holding tightly in his own, and moved around her, heading back the way they came from. “I have to go back. I can’t leave him, not like-“_not like I left you_’ he thought, but didn’t say it out loud. Just thinking it felt like a betrayal. Jessica took his hand, squeezed it and dragged him toward the doors. “No, Jess, you have to leave.”

“Like hell I will.”

“Jess, Please, don’t do this.”

“Clay is my friend, too, Justin. You’re not going out there alone. Alex or Zach will have already called the police. Everything will be okay.”

He believed it, for a second, he believed it, until he was standing beside Clay, who was holding a gun and refusing to let it go, looking like he might throw up or pass out, and the police sirens were sounding closer by the second.

* * *

“Walk me through it again, Mr. Foley.”

Justin pulled a face at the deputy. He’d already “walked him through it” two times. Justin was tired and hungry and, if he was being honest, scared. Scared for Clay and what might happen if they didn’t believe him and Justin. Justin hoped to god they would, because honestly? Clay didn’t need any more trouble in his life and he was just starting to heal from damage that Hannah’s death had caused.

“I told you already, Tyler had a gun pointed at Clay’s throat by the time Jessica and I found him. He told us to go inside, and we did. But we couldn’t just leave him there, so we went back outside. Clay was alone, and holding Tyler’s gun. By that time, we could hear the sirens and then the police were there. That’s it. Now can I please see my friends?”

The deputy seemed to soften a little, and gave him a sympathetic smile. “You’re free to go, but I don’t think you’ll be able to see your friends yet. Go home, kid.”

“Not so sure I have one.” He hadn’t meant to say the words, but nevertheless, they were probably true. The Jensens may have wanted to adopt him, but that was before this disaster, and honestly? After they find out about his relapse, because they eventually will, they won’t want him, and he’ll end up back on the streets, homeless and alone. The thought sent a jolt of panic through him and suddenly, he felt like everything came crashing down on him. He felt a crushing weight pressing down on his chest, and he struggled to take in a breath. He tried, he really did, but it seemed to make the pain in his chest go from bad to worse. Then there were hands on him, pushing his chair back and the panic intensified. Everything fell away and then Seth was there, holding him up against the wall, his hands around Justin’s throat, the smell of alcohol on his breath revolting.

He didn’t know how long it took, but eventually smaller, gentler hands replaced the rough ones on his shoulders. Breathing wasn’t easier, but he could hear someone calling his name.

“Justin, honey, open your eyes. Breathe. Come on.” The voice was familiar, but he couldn’t focus enough to place it. “Open your eyes, Justin.”

He did, slowly, his breath hitching when he saw [Mrs](http://13reasonswhy.wikia.com/wiki/Lainie_Jensen). Jensen’s face, instead of Seth’s. “You’re doing good, Justin. Just breathe, in and out. You can do it.” It took a while, but breathing became a little easier and he could focus more. He noticed Mrs Jensen was crouched in front of him, and Mr Jensen was arguing with the deputy.

“What happened, honey?” She asked gently, her hands not leaving his face. The gentleness caused his eyes to burn with tears. _He didn’t want to lose them_. “Justin, stay with me. Tell me what happened.”

“I don’t know,” His words came out shaky and pathetic, and even though he should be embarrassed about it, he wasn’t. He was too preoccupied with hating himself to feel anything else.

“Okay. You don’t have to talk about it now, okay? Let’s just go home, now, so you and Clay can put this behind you.”

“I’m sorry. I screwed up. I didn’t mean to, I know I shouldn’t have done it. I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.” He kept apologizing and when she put her arms around him, he let the tears fall, and he struggled to remain present, because this might be the last time he would ever feel this safe.

“What are you talking about, Justin?”

He pulled away from her and raised shaky hands to wipe the tears away. He didn’t know what to do because the way he saw it, he had two options. Lie, make up some bullshit answer, and go home with the Jensens, have a family for a few months if he was lucky, and eventually lose it all when they found out he was using again -when, not if, because these were real parents, who _cared_ and _noticed_ and _looked after_ their children. Or tell the truth now, and save himself from the heartbreak of losing them after getting a real taste of what a family is like.

He shook his head, and smiled ruefully.

“Nothing.”

Option one, it is.

* * *

When he left the room, Mrs Jensen’s hand wrapped around his arm, the first thing he noticed was Jessica. Her parents were hugging her, and her dad seemed to be talking to her quietly. She noticed him a few seconds later and broke away from her family.

“Justin!” Seconds later, she was in his arms, holding him tightly. Mrs Jensen let go of his arm and stepped away, giving him a smile. “Are you okay?”

“I am. Are you?” He pulled back from her, holding her at arm’s length.

“Yeah. That was scary, but at least Clay stopped him.” Her smile was a little frayed around the edges, and there was an awkwardness to their interaction that had never been there before. He pushed all that away, and turned to Mrs Jensen.

“Where’s Clay?”

Her face twisted in a grimace. “He’s in the bathroom. Matt is with him.”

“Is he okay?”

She hesitated, her eyes darting to Jessica, who seemed to notice. “I’m gonna go home now. Take care of yourself, Justin. Bye, Mrs Jensen.” She kissed his cheek, smiled at him and Mrs Jensen and went to her parents.

Justin turned to Mrs Jensen. “How is he?”

She let out a breath and sat on one of the chairs. “He’s a mess, Justin. And he won’t talk to anyone. He refused to tell the sheriff about Tyler, you know that?”

“What?!”

“He won’t talk,” her breath hitched, and she seemed to be on the verge of tears. Justin moved to sit beside her and after a minute of hesitation, he put one arm around her. Her hand reached up and squeezed his, and didn’t let go.

“Let me talk to him? Maybe I can get him to talk.”

She straightened, looking hopeful. “You think you can?”

“I can try.”

“Okay, yeah.”

* * *

Clay was still in the bathroom when Justin went looking for him. Mr Jensen was outside, his back to the wall, his eyes on the ceiling. He looked as tired as Justin felt.

“Hey, Mr Jensen.”

The man startled. “Hi, kid. How are you?”

“I’m alright. Is Clay in there?”

“Yeah. Clay and a deputy, who’s apparently assigned to him. They’re treating him like a criminal, and we can’t do anything about it, because the kid won’t talk!”

Justin wasn’t sure what to do to help. With Mrs Jensen, it was easy. Knowing how to comfort her had been instinctual, because he was used to doing it with his mother. But with Mr Jensen? He had no clue. The man moved closer to him, and his hand came up. Justin flinched, despite knowing Mr Jensen wouldn’t hit him.

“Ah, I’m sorry, Justin,” he said quietly, lowering his hand slowly. He looked sad, and Justin hated it. He didn’t want anyone’s pity. He moved around the man and into the bathroom without saying a word. Once he was inside, he took a deep breath, and willed himself to focus on Clay.

He found a deputy standing in front of one of the stalls, hands on his hips and he didn’t pay him any attention. He beelined for the stall Clay was in, and knocked, ignoring the deputy when he told him the stall was occupied.

“Jensen, you in there?” No answer. “Clay, come on, man. Come out.” Nothing. Justin closed his eyes and rested his forehead on the door. “I know it hurts, I know what you’re going through. But, Clay, you can’t protect him from this. And you shouldn’t.” Justin sighed, and knocked again. “Clay, he would’ve killed people. What if he tries to do it again, huh? He needs help. Please, just tell the sheriff what happened. We’ll help him” Again, nothing. Justin cursed internally, feeling helpless. He had no idea what else to do, what else to say. Just as he started moving away from the door, he heard a rustle, then the door opened. Clay looked like hell; his eyes were red and haunted, his shoulders were slumped and he seemed resigned.

“Okay,” he said quietly. “Okay, I’ll talk.”

Justin sighed in relief, and pulled him into a one-armed hug. He steered him out of the bathroom, keeping an arm around him. Clay was looking down, so it was up to Justin to lead him to the interrogation room. Mr and Mrs Jensen were waiting outside the door, and when they saw him and Clay, they both smiled.

“Let’s go inside, honey,” Mrs Jensen told Clay, smiling gratefully at Justin. Justin watched them go in with a heavy heart.

“Thank you.”

Justin turned his head in Mr Jensen’s direction, surprised. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing, Justin. Thank you for being there for him when he didn’t let us be,” the older man said, and Justin was at a loss for words. ’You’re welcome’ didn’t seem right.

“He’s a good guy, and he was there for me, too.”

Mr Jensen smiled. “Good. Let’s sit down; it’ll probably be a while before we can leave.”

They sat beside each other in silence. Justin rested his head on the back of the chair and closed his eyes.

“I’m sorry about earlier,” Justin turned his head to the side, looking at the older man who seemed genuinely remorseful. Justin resisted the urge to laugh. The man was apologizing for scaring him with what was probably intended as a comforting gesture, when his mom’s boyfriends, who hurt him more times than he could count, and his mom, who allowed it to happen, probably never even contemplated it.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Mr Jensen. That was all me.”

Mr Jensen was shaking his head before Justin finished talking. “I should’ve known better than to-“

“I knew you wouldn’t hurt me,” Justin interrupted him, fiddling with the sleeve of his dress shirt. “I knew it, it was just a reflex.”

That was the wrong thing to say, apparently, because the man looked stricken. “I know you’ll never hurt me, Mr Jensen,” he repeated quietly, his eyes downcast.

“Good. That’s good, kid.” When Justin looked up from his hands, the man was smiling kindly at him.

The door to the interrogation room opened and Clay, Mrs Jensen and the sheriff stepped out. The sheriff put a hand on Clay’s shoulder and said something that Justin couldn’t hear, and then he walked off.

Clay looked drained, physically and emotionally. Justin wished there was anything he could do for him, to make it easier.

“Let’s go home,” Mrs Jensen said quietly, looking at them all, though her gaze lingered on Justin longer; as if to assure him that he was included in that sentence, that their home was his too. Hope bloomed in his chest at the thought of actually having a home, and a family, for once in his life.

Then he remembered the Heroin he was hiding in his gym bag, and that hope was gone.

* * *

It took two days for Justin to crack under the pressure of the crushing guilt. Two days filled with bickering with Clay, helping Mrs Jensen cook, movie nights and comforting hugs.

Mrs Jensen had brought up the adoption before, vaguely, but on the third day, she called for a family meeting, and sat them down. She and Mr Jensen held hands, and then she said the words that simultaneously filled him with happiness and dread.

“The adoption will be finalized tomorrow! We just have to sign the papers."

They seemed happy about it, even Clay, and Justin wished more than anything that he could be, too, but he couldn't. They opened their home for him, made sure to make him feel included, and he'd repaid them by doing drugs and lying to them.

He shook his head, and realized that he'd never hated himself more than he did in this moment.

“Justin?”

“I’m sorry,” he said, choking on the words. “I’m so sorry.”

“Justin, what-“ he cut Clay off.

“You don’t want to adopt me. You _shouldn’t_.” Without another word, he ran up the stairs, grabbed his gym bag and came back down. The three of them were standing at the bottom of the stairs, looking at him with the three identical expressions of confusion.

He hurried down the stairs and shoved past Clay, headed for the door. Clay didn’t let him go far, though. He grabbed his arm in tight, yet somehow still gentle, grip. “Justin, what are you doing? I thought you wanted this?”

Justin tried to pry his arm out of the other boy’s grip, but Clay was relentless. “I do. You won’t want to, though.”

Clay looked even more confused than he had before.

Mrs Jensen took a step closer to them. “What are you even talking about? Of course we want you to be-“

He didn’t let her finish. He yanked his arm out of Clay’s hold, opened his bag and pulled out the grey shirt he’d been hiding the Heroin and needles in. He shoved it in the other boy’s hands.

"Do you still want me now?"

He looked each of them in the eye and felt tears threatening to fall when he saw the expressions on their faces. Shock, heartbreak and sadness. No anger, no disgust and no hatred. Justin wished there had been, maybe this would’ve been easier. Not for the first time, he wished he’d been strong enough to stay clean. He hadn’t been, though and his weakness had hurt three people who looked at him and saw someone worth saving, three people who gave a damn.

Justin had proven Seth right.

He really was no good for anybody.


	2. Be still, and know that I'm with you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sep, 12th Note: I know it's late, but I'm reworking chapter 3 because I noticed a lot of things were missing, and I really want this story to be as fulfilling as possible for all of you.
> 
> I'm sorry for the delay, please be patient with me? I love you all, every one o lf your comments means the world to me ❤️

"_Do you still want me now?"_

"Of course we do, kiddo.”

Justin’s gaze drifted to Mr Jensen’s face, and he stared at him incredulously. “No, you don’t,” he scoffed.

The older man glared, though it somehow seemed kind. “Yes, we do. Isn’t that right, Lainie? Clay?”

“Yes, it is,” Mrs Jensen said, a soft smile, and no trace of judgement, on her face. It made him ache, and it made him hope, which was a dangerous thing for Justin, since hoping never got him anywhere.

“It’s not,” he told her weakly, willing himself to believe it; to at least soften the blow of them kicking him out. It didn’t matter what they said now, there was no way they were going to watch him go through withdrawal, begging for the next hit and puking his guts out, without sending him packing. A traitorous voice in the back of his mind told him that they were different, that they would stick by him, and he tried in vain to push it back. A noise behind him caught his attention, and he turned his head just in time to see Clay wiping a tear away. Justin opened his mouth to say something, anything, but no words would come out. He watched helplessly as Clay walked past him and took the stairs two at a time, disappearing from view in what felt like mere seconds.

“It’s not,” he repeated, this time with more conviction. It was obvious that Clay didn’t want him there, and there was no way they would keep him here if it made their son uncomfortable. “He doesn’t want me here, and neither should you.”

Mr and Mrs Jensen exchanged a look, and then Mrs Jensen sighed, her shoulders slumping in what Justin assumed was defeat. His stomach dropped, fear and disappointment consuming him. In that moment, he realised that he’d been foolish in thinking that he was prepared to leave, prepared for the moment they would ask him to leave this family that in a couple of weeks became more of a home to him than his own mother ever was.

“Justin-“

“I get it, he’s your son,” he told her with a smile that was pathetic at best. “I’m gonna go now,” he told them, the words leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. As he bent down to get his bag from where it had fallen on the ground, he fantasised about them protesting, telling him to stay. He laughed bitterly. _‘Could you _be_ any more pathetic?”_

“Justin, would you stop?! Kid, you have nowhere to go,” Mr Jensen said, his hands raised in a placating manner. “You’re upset right now, so why don’t you get some rest and we’ll talk about this whole thing tomorrow, okay?”

“No,” Justin said decisively. He didn’t think he would be able to survive spending the night in the house, knowing it would be his last.

“No?” Mr Jensen looked angry now, and when he took a step forward, Justin involuntarily took one back. Oddly, the colour seemed to drain from his face, taking the anger with it. “Kid-“

Mrs Jensen cleared her throat. “Matt, give us a minute.”

Mr Jensen looked like he wanted to protest, but then they locked eyes and seemed to have a whole conversation without using any words. He nodded at her, and with a final, unreadable look in Justin’s direction, he left the room. She looked at Justin and nodded her head toward the kitchen. “You and I are going to sit down, and we are going to talk, do you hear me?”

Justin was too tired to do much more than nod. When they got to the kitchen, Mrs Jensen leading the way, Justin was a nervous mess. He sat down opposite her, and was surprised when she changed chairs, sitting on one that was closer to him.

They sat in silence for a couple of minutes, Mrs Jensen watching him with a calculating look. It made him nervous. “When we offered to adopt you, did you think we didn’t know exactly what we were dealing with? We may not have known about you using again, and I’m sorry that we didn’t notice, but we did know that you didn’t have the easiest life. We knew that would have lasting effects on you and in turn, on our family, and we accepted it. You know why?”

He shook his head, and a tear made its way down his cheek. “No, I don’t.”

“It’s because you deserve it. You deserve to have a home, a family, and stability. You deserve to feel safe, to have your own bed and your own space.”

With every word she said, breathing became just a little bit harder, and by the time she was finished, Justin felt lightheaded. He wanted to believe her more than anything, but he wasn’t sure if he should. Did he deserve all those things? After everything he had done, everything he had yet to atone for, did he deserve anything more than what life had given him before Clay found him and brought him back?

“I don’t. I did horrible things, to so many people,” he sobbed. Her eyes were impossibly kind, and he shook his head. “I don’t deserve you. You should just let me leave and forget about me. Please,” he pleaded brokenly, avoiding her eyes.

“That’s not going to happen, Justin.” Her words were gentle but firm, leaving no room for argument.

Justin shook his head. “What? Did you not- How can you still want me?”

Mrs Jensen took his hand in hers and squeezed tightly. “You are staying right here with us. You and Clay will see a therapist and you will go to meetings and whatever else your therapist recommends. You are getting the help you need, and you are going to be okay. You’re a part of this family now, sweetheart, and you’re not going anywhere.” He was stunned. He wasn’t sure if this was really happening, or a dream, and he resisted the temptation to pinch himself to find out.

“Are you sure? Mrs Jens-“

“Lainie,” she interrupted him. “No more Mr and Mrs Jensen, kid,” she told him firmly.

Justin allowed himself to hope, and he smiled at one of the two people who were giving him a home and a family and a second chance. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart.”

* * *

Clay managed to avoid him for the rest of the day, despite them living in the same house. He knew the other boy was pissed at him, and he had a right to be, but the idea that Justin had ruined their friendship was a hard pill to swallow.

By night-time, Clay was the least of his worries. The cravings, the intense kind, started at about 11 P.M and Justin felt desperate. He was alone, sitting on the couch in front of the TV, and his hands were shaking so badly he couldn’t hold the remote still. Justin squeezed his eyes shut and reminded himself that it was worth it. Pain in exchange for having this second chance, was more than worth it. He prayed to a god he didn’t believe in that he could remember that in the next few days.

It took two hours for the nausea to set in, and Justin barely managed to get to the bathroom before the contents of his stomach spilled out. Almost nothing came out, since he hadn’t had dinner, and pretty soon, he was dry heaving, and it felt like his stomach was trying to crawl its way out of his body.

When he was done, he dragged himself up and to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water. He drank slowly as he checked the fridge and cupboards for something light to eat. He found a small box of Ritz and grabbed it. He moved back to the couch, set the water and crackers on the floor, and took off his sweater, suddenly feeling hot. He tried to distract himself with watching a movie and eating the crackers, and it worked for a little while, until his stomach rolled and he had to rush to the bathroom again. He hated it, all of it, but he mostly hated that he was alone. Last time, he’d had Clay, Sheri and Tony there, and though they needed to work on their bedside manner, having them near had helped in keeping him grounded. Being alone with only his thoughts to keep him company was a dangerous thing, at the moment.

Once he was sure he wasn’t going to throw up again, he moved to get up, but then thought better of it, instead moving back to lean against the wall. The cool tile was a relief, and he seriously considered taking off his shirt, but decided against it when he remembered he might be here until the morning, and someone might walk in. He needed to salvage whatever dignity he had left.

Stomach cramps joined the nausea and Justin could do nothing but wait it out, curled up on the floor of the bathroom. He remembered the first time he’d watched his mother go through this, eleven years old and scared out of his mind that his mom was dying. He’d resented her then, and he wondered if the Jensens, with time, would start to hate him, too. Clay already seemed to. The thought scared him more than he was willing to admit. He closed his eyes tightly and tried to regulate his breathing. A panic attack on top of everything else was the last thing he needed right now. Thankfully, it seemed to be a false alarm, and his breathing was back to normal by the time he’d managed to drag himself up. He hugged his knees to his chest and rested his forehead on them.

“Justin? Kiddo, are you alright?!” Justin looked up in surprise, and saw Mr Jensen in the bathroom doorway. He shook his head wordlessly and waited for the man to leave, maybe call Mrs Jensen down to deal with Justin. Instead, the man tentatively made his way in, and crouched when there was less than a foot of space between them.

“Can I touch you? Only on your forehead.” Justin nodded, too tired to say much of anything. He felt large, cool hands on his forehead, then his cheek, and the cool touch was such a relief that Justin unconsciously leaned into it. Instead of pushing him away, or pulling away, Mr Jensen just stroked his cheek gently. “Let’s get you in bed, huh? You need to get some rest.”

Justin shook his head. “Need to stay here.” Though the words were mumbled, Mr Jensen seemed to hear them. He sighed quietly and sat down next to Justin. “You don’t have to stay,” Justin said quietly, his voice hoarse.

The older man waved him off. “Of course I do, I’m not gonna leave you down here alone, kid.”

Justin shrugged; trying to act as if those words didn’t mean the world to him. He said nothing, just closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall.

He must’ve dozed off at some point, because he woke up to voices speaking close to him.

“Honey, what happened?” The hushed voice belonged to Mrs Jensen, and Justin wasn’t sure if she was talking to him, so he kept his eyes closed and hoped she thought he was still asleep and left him alone.

“I found him on the floor about two hours ago, and he didn’t want to go up to bed,” Mr Jensen whispered. And Justin remembered that the man had been with him before he’d fallen asleep.

“So, you’ve been like this for two hours? How’s your back, old man?” Mrs Jensen teased her husband, a smile evident in her voice. It made Justin happy, knowing that their relationship hadn’t suffered because of him

“You weren’t complaining about me being an old man last night,” Mr Jensen said without missing a beat, and Justin hoped his face didn’t twist in a grimace. He really didn’t want to hear about their sex life.

“Matt!” Mrs Jensen hissed, though she broke into laughter seconds later.

“Shh, you’ll wake him up,” Mr Jensen said with a chuckle.

To Justin’s surprise, the man sounded very close. It took him an embarrassingly long time to realise that it was because he was using the man’s shoulder as a pillow, which also explained the shaking Justin had chalked up to the chills that accompanied the fever. He panicked for a moment and wondered if he should let them know he was awake, and move from the awkward position. But Mrs Jensen’s next words made him reconsider.

“What are we going to do, Matt?”

“Everything we can. The kid needs some serious help, and we can at least give him that.”

There was some movement, which Justin assumed meant that she sat down opposite them. He wondered why they were putting themselves in such positions when they could’ve easily woken him up and sent him to sleep on the couch or in Clay’s room.

“What if he doesn’t want our help?”

“Are you serious, Lainie? The kid told us he was using again, he just admitted it on his own, when he didn’t have to. He could’ve easily kept it hidden for at least a couple more weeks, but he chose to tell us. That must’ve been scary as hell for him.”

Justin had to struggle to keep his breathing even. His thoughts were so jumbled up that he couldn’t focus on any of them. It was way too early for this type of conversation.

“I know. He was so brave to do that. But it makes me wonder, why did he go back to it? He was out of Juvie, and we offered him a home, a permanent one, and he still chose to use again. Did we do something wrong? Why were we not enough?”

She sounded so hurt that Justin wanted to apologize and assure her that they were perfect, that they had nothing to do with it. It was everything _but_ them. What happened to Hannah and Jess because of him, Seth, his mother and, though he was loathe to admit it, Bryce. He hated him more than he hated anyone, ever, but he couldn’t erase the years of friendship in which Bryce had been his only lifeline, the only person who seemed to give a damn about him. Justin squeezed his eyes tightly, willing all thoughts of Bryce to go away.

“Justin?”

He opened his eyes and sat up slowly, his eyes first going to Mr Jensen, who smiled at him and then to Mrs Jensen, who looked concerned. “Yeah?”

“Are you okay? Any pain?”

He shook his head tiredly. “I’m fine, it’s nothing.”

They exchanged a look and then turned their gazes on him. From the twin looks of disbelief, he knew they didn’t believe him. He hung his head. “Stomach cramps,” he mumbled.

“Let’s get you up and out of here, huh? I bet the floor’s not very comfortable,” Mrs Jensen said, holding her hand out to him. He took it, and was surprised when she managed to actually lift him up. He told her as much, and she laughed, leading him out of the bathroom. Mr Jensen was not far behind, and he must’ve heard, because he chuckled.

“I know, right?! When we were in college, she beat me and six other guys at an arm wrestling match, and before you ask, we did it because we were drunk, young and very stupid, and it seemed like a good idea at the time.”

Justin looked at the woman in surprise. “Seriously? You beat them all?”

She smiled, and it was so wide that Justin couldn’t help but smile back. “Yeah. And let me tell you, they were all butthurt. But not my Matt. You know what he did after I beat him?”

“What?”

“He asked for my number_ and_ asked me out on a date,” she said, and if Justin wasn’t mistaken, there was a hint of smugness in her smile. Just then, it hit Justin how much he actually wanted to be a part of this family. The warmth, the love, the teasing; he wanted it all with such desperation, that it nearly knocked the breath out of him.

They made their way up the stairs slowly, and Justin was surprised him when they passed Clay’s door. “I thought I was gonna sleep on Clay’s couch,” he told them with a confused frown.

They stopped in front of Mrs Jensen’s home office, and she and Mr Jensen faced him. “We were going to surprise you with this tomorrow after the finalization of the adoption, but I think you need this now.”

Justin’s frown deepened. “What are you-“

Mrs Jensen opened the door. “This is your room now, Justin.”

Justin stared at the two of them for a solid minute, still as a statue, and didn’t say a thing, mostly because he was incapable of opening his mouth without embarrassing himself by crying like a little kid. Mrs Jensen dragged him in, and pointed out stuff around the room, though Justin didn’t hear much of it. Against his will, his eyes started to water, and he cursed his inability to pull himself together.

“Justin?!”

Mr Jensen stood in front of him, and cupped his cheeks, his hands big and warm and so comforting. The touch brought more tears to his eyes and when the older man brought him into a fatherly hug, Justin couldn’t contain his sobs anymore. He buried his face in the crook of the other man’s neck and continued to cry, sobs wracking his thin frame. He had no idea how long they stood like that, and by the time his breath evened out, Justin was so exhausted he could barely keep his eyes open.

“Come on, hon, let’s get you to bed,” Mrs Jensen said when he pulled away from M Jensen. She led him over to the twin bed in the far corner and pulled the comforter back and sat him down. Justin lay down and closed his eyes, but opened them again when he felt a hand brush his hair back. Mrs Jensen kissed his forehead and smiled gently. “Get some rest.”

He thought sleep might not come easy, but surprisingly, it did.

...

Two hours later, he woke up screaming, his chest heaving with every uneven breath. He sat up, and his stomach protested at the movement. He threw up, but what little came up was mostly bile, since he hadn’t eaten in a while. He tried to straighten up, but a stomach cramp left him almost paralyzed with pain. He curled up on his bed and waited desperately for it to pass.

“Justin, are you alright?” Mrs Jensen asked as she put a hand on his back, rubbing gently. It didn’t ease the pain, but it still made him feel better, somehow. Her hand moved from his back to his forehead, and she recoiled. “You’re burning up! Matt, come here, now!” The last part was said louder, clearly directed at Mr Jensen. Justin wasn’t sure what happened next, because everything seemed to fade slowly, and then there was only darkness.

Lainie Jensen didn’t scare easy, especially not because her kid -he may not be hers, officially, but it was only a matter of time before he was- was sick. But seeing Justin curled up like that, and seeing the vomit beside the bed, scared her a little bit. And when his eyes closed and he didn’t wake up no matter what she did, she was downright terrified. Less than a minute after she called for him, Matt showed up with a washcloth, clearly intended to clean up the mess beside the bed. She reached for it, and, seeing that it was wet and clean, started to run it across Justin’s forehead and down his cheek.

“Matt, he won’t wake up, do we need to take him to the hospital? What if something is really wrong?” She was aware that she was babbling, but she didn’t care right now.

Matt seemed to hesitate. “Let’s give it a few minutes, see if we can wake him up, and give him some Tylenol for the fever. If we can’t, we’ll take him. I grabbed the thermometer, check his temperature, Lainie.” She took it from his hand, and he kissed the crown of her head. “He’s going to be okay.”

She nodded, and hoped to god he was right. She placed the thermometer under his tongue with some difficulty, and waited until the beep sounded. “Honey, go tell Clay we’re going to the hospital.”

Matt frowned. “Why?”

“His temperature is 102.6.”

His eyes widened. “Okay, you get him ready, I’ll tell Clay and grab the keys, then I’ll come help you get him downstairs.”

She got up from the bad and went to the corner of the room, where Justin’s gym bag now lay. She grabbed a sweater and a t-shirt and went back to the bed. Lainie gently ran her hand through his hair. “Justin? Sweetheart, I need you to wake up for me, okay? Justin?” It took a couple more tries, but he finally opened his eyes. “Hi. We’re going to take you to the hospital, okay?”

His eyes were glassy, and he didn’t seem to understand what she said. “Mom?” He whispered quietly. Her heart stopped for a minute, but then she realized he wasn’t addressing _her. _She wondered what she should do, if she should go along with it and let him believe she was his mother, of if she should correct him. She settled for a smile and a resumed combing a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, mom,” though his words were barely audible, the anguish in his voice and on his face was clear enough.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, honey.” He didn’t seem to hear her, and continued to mummer apologies. She sniffled quietly and leaned over him, an arm under his neck to push him into a sitting position. His face ended up lying against her chest, his hot forehead resting in the crook of her neck. He seemed to settle down once he was in her arms and she resisted the urge to hug him tightly. Instead, she struggled through getting one arm out of the sweat soaked t-shirt, then the other. Though there were a few times they almost fell off the bed, by the time Matt was back, Justin was wearing a clean shirt and a sweater.

Between the two of them, they got Justin to stand, but he wasn’t much help, so Matt carried him, one arm under his knees, the other under his shoulders. Clay was at the head of the stairs, waiting for them. He was wringing his hands anxiously. “Mom, is he going to be okay?”

“Yeah, he will be. Try to sleep, okay?”

He shook his head. “I’ll wait up.”

Matt was already downstairs, so she didn’t argue with Clay, simply smiled gently at him and hurried down the stairs after her husband.

* * *

When they got back home, it was 10 a.m. and Clay was at school. Justin was unusually quiet, and though it could be because he was exhausted and probably in pain, Lainie sensed it was something else.

“I’m sorry about this,” Justin said as soon as they entered the house. He was looking down at his shoes, his hands clasped tightly together. She and Matt exchanged a look full of heartbreak, and she sighed.

“Honey, there’s nothing to be sorry about, I promise.” He nodded without looking up at her, and didn’t seem convinced. There was nothing else she could do to convince him, so she just wrapped an arm around his shoulders and lead him up to his room. To her surprise, the bed was made up, and the floor was cleaned. She smiled; Clay may pretend he was mad at Justin, but deep down, he cared. 

“Justin, look at me,” she said when he sat on the bed. He lifted his eyes up to meet hers. “You’ll get through this; _we’ll_ get through this, alright?” 

He nodded. “Thank you, for everything, Mrs Jensen.” 

“Lainie,” she corrected him with a raised eyebrow. 

It got her a smile, albeit a small one. “Thank you,” he repeated. 

“You don’t have to thank us, honey. You’re family now.” 

He swallowed heavily, and his eyes seemed glassy, probably with unshed tears. She wondered when this kid would stop breaking her heart. She patted his knee and got up. “I’m going to make us some breakfast, okay? I’ll call you down when it’s ready.” 

He smiled. “Okay.”

* * *

_*Three Days Later*_

“Justin, Wake up! Breakfast is ready,” Lainie’s voice woke him up, and he sat up in his bed. It was weird, to think of her as Lainie- and even weirder to call her that- instead of Mrs Jensen, but he was slowly getting used to it. In the past three days, she and Matt had taken care of him in a way no one ever had before. Clay seemed to mostly hover, though he still seemed angry at him. Justin vowed to talk to him after the worst of his withdrawal symptoms passed, which hopefully would be in a couple of days. 

He got up, went to the bathroom and then entered the kitchen, where the three Jensens sat around the table. He sat on the fourth chair, opposite Clay, who seemed to ignore him. Justin inwardly rolled his eyes; apparently, Clay was still pissed at him. 

“Good morning,” Justin said quietly. 

“Morning!” Lainie and Matt said a little too enthusiastically. Clay, on the other hand, mumbled what might pass as a ‘good morning’ and continued eating his pancakes. 

“Justin, we need to talk to you after breakfast, okay?” 

“Yeah, sure,” he answered easily. 

Clay pushed his chair back, loudly, and stood up. “You can talk now, I’m done,” He announced, then left the kitchen. Justin winced. So, maybe he needed to speed things up with Clay, because this, not talking to him, not even fighting with him, felt wrong. 

“I’m sorry.” He’d apologised to them so much in the past few days that he hoped the words hadn’t lost their meaning. “I- I’m gonna talk to him, probably today.” 

Lainie smiled. “That’d be great, sweetie. But we need to talk about something else.” 

Justin nodded, and pushed down the fear that rose up at her words. They weren’t going to ask him to leave, Justin knew that, but just the thought of it scared him. 

“We signed you up in an outpatient treatment programme. It’s two days a week, for six months, maybe more.” She stated firmly, though her eyes and her smile were still kind. “It includes psychological therapy, too. There will be random urine tests, and we’ll need you to give us the money you have. No one will touch it, I promise, and we’ll buy you anything you need. But the money needs to be with us, because having it on you is a temptation we need to remove.” 

Justin nodded seriously, and though he wanted to, he couldn’t meet their eyes. “Okay.”

Matt took over. “I talked to the school yesterday, and they agreed to let you finish this semester, but only if you keep up decent grades, attend all your classes and go to weekly meetings with your guidance counselor.” 

Justin nodded again. “Yeah, okay. I’ll do all that.” 

Lainie smiled at him and took his hand in hers. “It won’t be easy, but I know you can do it, honey. We talked to the school’s guidance counselor, and she thinks if you work hard enough, you can get your grades up, maybe even higher than before.” 

Justin smiled at her and Matt, and he squeezed her hand. “Thank you both for this. You have no idea how much this means to me.” He took a deep breath and brushed away the lone tear that made its way down his cheek. “You’re the first people to give me a chance like this, you know that? Not even my own mother thought I was worth-“ 

Lainie got up from her chair before he could finish, and in less than four seconds, he was in her arms, her embrace warm and tight and everything a mother’s hug was supposed to be like. Her tears soaked his t-shirt, but he didn’t care. He just held her tighter and whispered a ‘thank you’ in her ear. 

His eyes caught Matt’s over Lainie’s shoulder, and the older man smiled gently at him, his eyes glassy with unshed tears, and impossibly kind. Justin mouthed a thank you to him, too and the man just shook his head, waving it off as if he had done nothing, when the reality was the exact opposite. 

Lainie pulled away, but kept him close with both of her hands on his upper arms. “One more thing, once you feel up to it, we’re going to go to the courthouse, and we’re going to finalize this adoption. You ready to be a part of this family, officially?” 

“Yeah. Yeah, I am. I know I said this, like a million times, but I need to say it again; thank you both so much, for everything,” he said earnestly. 

“You’re welcome, sweetheart.” 

“You’re welcome, kiddo.” 

“I need to talk to Clay,” Justin told them nervously, gesturing behind him. 

“Go,” Lainie said with an encouraging smile.

* * *

Justin stared at Clay’s bedroom for a solid minute before he could get himself to knock. “Clay?” 

“Go away, Justin!” 

Justin rolled his eyes. “I’m coming in, Clay.” 

“Like hell you are,” Clay said, and Justin heard a thud and then footsteps coming toward the door. Justin knew Clay intend to lock the door, so he opened the door before Clay could get to it. Unfortunately, Clay was closer to the door than Justin thought and he slammed into it, full force.

“Shit! Clay, you okay?” 

“Fuck! What the hell, Justin?” Clay exclaimed as one of his hands came up to touch the bruised skin on his forehead. 

Justin winced. “Sorry, man, but you were gonna lock me out of the room!” 

Clay glared at him. “So this is my fault?” He asked, pointing to his forehead. 

“Kinda.”Justin shrugged. 

Clay huffed angrily and stomped his way to his bed. 

“Clay, we gotta talk, man.” 

“Why?” Clay asked, stubbornly. 

“You know why, Clay.” The other boy said nothing, resolutely looking out the window. 

“Look, man, I know I hurt- I know I said I wouldn’t use again, and I’m sorry I lied to you, but I just… I couldn’t not, you know? I had a lot of reasons not to, and you and your parents were one of them, but-“ 

“We weren’t enough,” Clay said quietly, and he seemed haunted. 

Justin said nothing, merely started at his hands. “I’m sorry.” 

“Whatever. I don’t care,” Clay tried to sound tough, but Justin could hear the hurt in his words. 

Justin grinned, trying to lighten up the mood. “Yeah, you do.” 

Clay’s head swivelled in his direction, his eyes narrowed. “I don’t,” he snapped. 

Justin held his hands up. “Your parents got me into a treatment programme, and I’m gonna go back to school. I promise you, Clay, I won’t let you down again." 

Clay studied his face for a good minute, eyes narrowed and thoughtful. And even though the intensity of his stare made Justin uncomfortable, he held Clay’s gaze unflinchingly. 

Clay finally took mercy on him, and though he seemed to try to stop it, a small smile appeared on his lips. “Good. But if you start using again, I swear I’ll kick your ass.” 

Justin scoffed. “Like you can,” he said as he shoved Clay’s shoulder playfully. 

Clay retaliated by wrapping his arm around Justin’s neck in what he probably intended as a headlock. To Justin, it seemed more like an awkward one armed hug, and he allowed it, though he pretended to struggle in the hold to keep up appearances.

* * *

It took two days for Justin to feel okay enough to go to the courthouse, and when he told the family at breakfast that he was, they erupted in excitement. Clay and Matt wore nearly identical smiles, though Matt’s was a bit softer. Lainie, on the other hand, was already on the phone, a large smile stretched across her face. 

“We’re going to the courthouse in two hours!” She announced after she hung up, her hands clasped together tightly. It confused him a little, that they seemed to actually want him, that they were actually happy about having him in their house, but he was done questioning it, and he decided to let himself enjoy the feeling of actually being _wanted_. 

They got to the courthouse with half an hour to spare, and Lainie pulled him aside, waving Matt and Clay off when they stop beside them. “You guys go ahead, I need to talk to Justin alone,” Mrs Jensen said with a smile directed at her husband and son. Justin nervously fiddled with the sleeves of his new sweater, watching the woman’s face in hopes of figuring out what the conversation was going to be about. 

“Justin, I need to ask you something,” she started, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear, looking nervous. 

“Yeah, sure.” 

She took a deep breath. “Matt and I were talking last night, and I realised we didn’t ask you about your name. Your last name, I mean.” 

Justin frowned. “What about it?” 

“Do you want to change it? To Jensen?” 

He was stunned. He hadn’t even thought that was an option, and her offering felt like a roundabout way of telling him that they were all in, that the adoption wasn’t just a temporary fix until he turned eighteen. The thought brought tears to his eyes, and he tried to force them down.

She must’ve misinterpreted his silence, because her face fell a little. “You don’t have to, we just wanted to give you the option. Fresh start and all that.” 

“I want to,” He blurted out, and ducked his head when her eyes caught his, his face burned with embarrassment and it probably looked as red as a tomato. 

“Good,” she said softly, and the next thing he knew, her arms were around him. He hugged her back, her warmth comforting. His eyes burned with tears, and he ducked his head into the crook of her neck. “Are you ready, Justin?” 

Was he? Having a family had always been something he longed for, but never had. His mom had never been the warm type. She loved him, he knew that, but never enough to stop any of her boyfriends from hurting him, never enough for her to quit using and drinking. Thinking of his mother now made him tense, and Mrs Jensen immediately pulled away. “Justin?” 

“Does this make me a bad son?” 

She immediately shook her head. “Honey, no. You’re- You’ve been through so much, and you deserve stability and love.” She led him to a wooden bench, and sat him down. “I’m not saying your mom doesn’t love you, I know she does. But, she had a responsibility to do better by you. This, you choosing to be a part of our family, doesn’t mean that you love her any less. Okay? ” 

He nodded slowly, her words erasing some of the guilt he was feeling. “Okay. Do you think maybe you could help me find her? Not right away, I mean, but maybe in, like, a couple of weeks?” 

“Of course,” she assured him. “Now, let’s go make you a Jensen,” she told him with an excited smile. 

He grinned back, feeling light and carefree in a way he hadn’t in a long time.

……………

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick question, would you prefer I finish the whole story then post the last three chapters, or post each one as soon as I finish it?


	3. Sinking faster than we could swim

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, here's chapter 3! Let me know what you think, please...
> 
> Huge thank you to everyone taking the time to comment, your words mean the world.
> 
> Going forward, please know that I've made a few changes to the story, I hope you like the additions

Two hours after Justin became an official Jensen, Clay barged into his room. 

“Dude, knock!” He exclaimed, sitting up from his reclined position on the bed. “What if I had bee-“ 

Clay shook his head, eyes wide. “I don’t want to hear about that. Ever.” 

Justin just rolled his eyes. “Head out of the gutter, Jensen. I was gonna say, what if I had been _changing _.” 

Clay raised an eyebrow, and when Justin just grinned, he rolled his eyes. “Get up and change. We’re going out, _Jensen. _” 

Justin spluttered, and watched, speechless, as Clay left as quickly as he came.

* * *

Apparently, when Clay said they were going out, he meant they were going to Monet’s. Justin stopped short of the door and looked to the side. Clay seemed jittery with either excitement or nervousness, and when Justin gave him a look, he seemed to deflate. “What?” 

“Monet’s? Really, Clay?” 

Clay seemed to take offence to that. “What’s wrong with Monet’s?!” 

Justin shrugged. “I don’t know, man. It’s just not my scene.” It wasn’t exactly the truth, but it wasn’t exactly a lie either. The truth was, he didn’t want to go in because Jessica, or Alex, or both of them, might be there. Things with Jessica might be on the right track, but with Alex, it was another story altogether. He hadn’t seen or spoken to Alex since the night of the dance, and he wasn’t sure what his reaction to his girlfriend cheating on him with Justin would be. Justin was sure it was going to be bad, and he honestly wasn’t ready to be publicly humiliated, _again_. 

Clay seemed confused, and it hit Justin that he didn’t _know_. Justin wanted to keep it that way, though he wasn’t sure that was possible now that they were essentially brothers and Clay was nosy as hell. “That was before, though. Come on, let’s just go in for a little while. If you get bored, we’ll leave.” 

Justin nodded, and reluctantly entered after Clay. The other boy led him to a table where, to his surprise, Tony and Sheri were sitting. 

“Hey, guys,” Clay greeted them cheerfully, sitting down in the chair between theirs. 

“Hey, you two!” Sheri smiled widely at them both. It was hard not to smile back at her, so Justin did. Tony, on the other hand, just nodded at him. 

“Hi.” Justin said quietly, throwing a suspicious look at Clay, who seemed to avoid looking at him. Yup, this was planned. He didn’t know whether to be happy that this was Clay's way of celebrating of Justin's adoption, or mad at him because this was going to be awkward as hell since they probably had nothing to talk about. Justin settled for both. 

The conversation was, as Justin predicted, stilted and awkward at best, and Justin knew it was probably because of him. He was nervous as hell, and when he was nervous, Justin tended to calm up. He wanted to make up something and leave, but he didn't know what. Just as he was about to get up, though, someone cheerfully called his name. He turned, and found Zach and Jess making their way to the table, wide smiles on both their faces. 

When they got to the table, he was pulled into a sweeping hug courtesy of Zach. Justin found himself a few inches above the ground, again, and he laughed lowly. “Zach, you’ve gotta put me down, man.” 

Zach released him and beamed. “Clay told us, man. Congratulations!” 

Justin smiled shyly. “Thanks.” 

And then it felt like a spell had been broken. Sheri got up and took Zach’s place, hugging Justin, though she was a lot gentler. “I’m so happy for you, Justin. We didn't say anything 'cause Clay told us to keep it low-key, didn’t he, Zach?” The last part was directed at Zach, who shrugged with a carefree grin. 

Justin grinned. “Thanks, Sheri.” 

Jessica was next, and she smiled softly. “It’s official, huh?” 

“Yeah,” his voice was breathy, so he cleared his throat. She looked at him with soft, brown eyes. She didn’t hug him like the others, but she did take his hand in hers and squeeze it tightly. There was a genuine smile on her face, and there seemed to be no hard feelings on her part, which was a relief. “Let’s sit.” 

They brought extra chairs and moved another table closer so that they could all sit together. Justin ended up sitting between Zach and Jess, which was another sign things were good, or at least getting there, between them. The conversation flowed easily between them, and they seemed to avoid any serious topics. They stuck to movies and tv shows, and occasionally two or more would enter into a heated discussion about which movie was better, but other than that, it was just _light_. A thought occurred to him and he turned to Jessica. 

“Hey, Jess,” he said, leaning closer to her, so she could hear him better. “Is Alex not coming?” 

She tensed; he could see it on her face and in her shoulders. “I don’t know, but my guess is he won't.” 

Justin’s shoulders slumped in disappointment. “You told him, then?” 

“Yeah, about a week ago. Should I not have?” Her words were defensive, and Justin raised his hands in surrender. 

“I didn’t say that, Jess.” He leaned back in his seat, and noticed everyone else looking at them. He dropped his gaze to the table top, and wished they would just _stop looking.   
_

“Hey, Justin, let’s go get everyone drinks,” Zach piped up from beside him. 

Justin smiled at him, grateful for the chance to get away for a little while. 

Once they were out of earshot, Zach broke the silence between them. “I heard what you and Jess were talking about. And Alex told me what happened.” 

Justin froze, and watched as Zach ordered for everyone with an ease that must have come from familiarity. Once Zach was finished, he turned back to Justin. “I think you should just give him some time. You guys really hurt him.” 

Justin hung his head in shame. “I know. It’s no excuse, but I wasn’t thinking, Zach. Bryce was there, and I just-“ he broke off and looked at his friend, who seemed to listen to him without judgment. He wondered what he would think, if he knew Justin had let Bryce’s words get to him, that he’d longed for their friendship, even if it was for a few seconds. 

“He got under your skin,” Zach finished for him. 

Justin nodded and looked to the side, avoiding Zach’s knowing eyes. “For a second, I wanted things to go back to the way they used to be, and when that second was over? I hated myself so much, Zach. I wanted to fucking disappear. And Jess… Jess brought me back, at least for a little while.” 

Zach clasped his shoulder tightly, giving him a gentle shake. “I get it, man. Bryce is a piece of work. What you did wasn’t right, not by any means, but I get that it was in the heat of the moment. And I think Alex does, too, or at least he will.” 

Justin searched the other boy’s eyes for a lie, and when he didn’t find one, he smiled widely. “You think so?” 

Zach nodded. “Yeah, just give him some time. Why are you so worked up about Alex, though? You guys were never really friends, right?” 

Justin wasn’t sure how to answer the boy, and he was thankfully saved from it by the barista calling out Zach’s name. 

He helped the other boy carry everyone’s drinks, but before he could move from the counter, Zach spoke quietly. 

“You didn’t answer me, Justin.” 

He sighed. “There’s really not much to it, alright? He saved me, and he took me in when everyone, even you, turned their backs on me. He may hate me right now but I owe him a lot.” 

Zach gave him a look he couldn’t understand. “And that’s it?” He asked it like he knew something Justin didn’t, and it annoyed the shit out of Justin. 

“Yeah, that’s it.” He moved from the counter and without a backward glance, he started walking back to the table. 

“Hey, Baby Jensen, Wait up!” 

He was going to kill Zach.

* * *

Justin never thought he would ever enjoy, and maybe even look forward to, doing the dishes, but this was the case now. By unspoken agreement, it was always left for him and Lainie. She’d wash, and he would dry and they would just talk. Lainie was funny,Justin found, and she seemed to actually enjoy their routine just as much as he did. 

Which was why he was nervous about this. 

They usually avoided talking about anything serious in this time, and he hated to break that unspoken agreement by bringing up something that may upset her. He just couldn’t hold it in any longer. “Lainie?” 

She handed him a plate. “Yeah, honey?” 

He cleared his throat nervously. “I was wondering, did you- My mom, did you find her?” 

She tensed, and the glass she was holding slipped from her hand. Justin watched in concern as she picked up the glass and laughed nervously. “Soap,” she explained with an unconvincing smile. Lainie then took a deep breath, and washed her hands, drying them on the towel in his hands. “Let’s sit down.” 

“But the dishes-“ 

She patted his arm. “They can wait. Come on,” she motioned for him to take a seat and took one herself. “I promised you I would look for her, and I did, but Justin- I couldn’t find her, honey.” 

His heart sank, and he struggled with trying to keep the disappointment off his face. “Okay,” he said quietly, trying for a smile and coming up short. “I’m sorry.” 

“Honey, no, don’t be sorry. _I’m_ sorry.” 

Justin shook his head. “I left her. I put her in an impossible situation. If I hadn’t taken Seth’s money-“ 

Lainie held up a hand, and he cut himself off. “You’ve made mistakes, yes, but it’s all in the past now and you’ve been working so hard. Don’t dwell on this right now, okay? I’ll find her.” 

He nodded with a small smile and she patted his hand. “Let’s finish the dishes, huh?” 

..

As soon as they finished the dishes, and Justin went to his room, Lainie made a beeline to the living room, where Matt was waiting for her. She sat beside him and buried her head in his chest. His arms automatically wrapped around her, and she allowed a couple of tears to fall. Sensing this, Matt tightened his arms around her. “Lainie?” 

“Tell me I’m doing the right thing,” she whispered brokenly. 

“About what?” When she didn’t answer, he gently pulled away from their embrace, searching her face. “What happened?” 

She wiped away her tears and sniffed, trying to pull herself together. “Justin just asked me about his mom.” 

“Okay?” 

“I lied to him, Matt.” 

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Why? Did you find her?” 

She nodded. “I found her in a shelter, high as a kite, and when I told her about Justin wanting to see her, she said she didn’t want to, Matt. Do you know what it’ll do to him if he finds out?” Lainie put her head in her hands and when she felt Matt’s hand on her back, her shoulders relaxed a little. “The kid loves her a lot, and he’d be devastated if he found out everything that happened.” 

Matt sighed and continued rubbing her back. “You mean that she signed over her parental rights a couple of months back, right?” 

“It’s not just that, though. I went to see her again after the adoption, and she said she didn’t want to see him. What do you think he’ll feel if I told him that? And you know Justin as well as I do, if we don't tell him everything, he’ll try to go to her, he’ll talk to her and he’ll be- it might destroy him, Matt. It would definitely set him back, and he’s been doing so well lately.” 

Matt pursed his lips and nodded at her. “You did the right thing. We’re going to keep it from him, at least for a little while, okay? Until we’re sure he can handle it.” 

Lainie wasn’t sure there would ever be a time when Justin would be ready to find out something like this, but she didn’t voice her thoughts. She merely moved closer to her husband and leaned her head on his shoulder. 

“It’s gonna be okay, honey,” he reassured her, giving her arm a comforting squeeze. 

“I hope so.”

* * *

When Justin asked her to borrow her laptop a few days later, Lainie didn’t think much of it and agreed. He still didn’t have his own laptop, and she knew Clay was very territorial about his. But she knew, the minute he walked into the living room, that she’d made a mistake. He was pale, and he seemed angry, if the set of his shoulders and his clenched fists around the open laptop was any indication. 

“You lied to me.” 

Matt turned off the tv, and shared a concerned look with her. Justin must have noticed the shared look because he laughed bitterly. 

“You _both_ lied to me. You found her. You found my mom and you kept her away from me.” 

Lainie shook her head. “Honey, you don’t understand-“ she started, only to be cut off by him. 

Justin shook his head. “I don’t think I ever will.” 

The betrayal in his eyes broke something inside her, and she felt her eyes burn with unshed tears. “Please, let me explain,” she pleaded with him. She stood up, and when she took a step towards him, he took a step back. She stopped in her tracks, stunned at his reaction. “Justin…” 

“You knew how much I was worried about her, you knew how guilty I felt for not helping her, and you still didn’t tell me that you found her.” 

She closed her eyes, trying to be patient. It frustrated her, that he didn’t let her explain to him the reason she did it. She didn’t like that she’d lied to him, but she knew deep down that it was the right thing for him. “Listen, kiddo. Listen to me, okay?” He clenched his jaw and nodded. Lainie could tell he wanted to say more, but he thankfully didn’t. “I didn’t want to lie to you, Justin, but it was for the best.” 

“For who?” He demanded, angrier than she’d ever seen him before. 

“For you!” She exclaimed. 

“No, it _wasn’t_. You don’t get to decide what’s best for me,” he spat at her. 

“Of course I do, I’m your-“ She stopped abruptly, her breath hitching. _Mom_, that was what she was going to say. She sat down on the couch, hard, and ran her hands through her hair. Justin already had a mom, one he loved very much. She would never want to replace Amber, even if she could, but it still stung, to think that he might never consider her his mother. 

“Justin!” Matt called out, and when she looked up, she only caught a glimpse of his back as he retreated to his room. “Lainie, you okay?” 

She looked up at her husband, not even trying to stop the tears from pouring out. “What have I done, Matt? God, what have I done?” 

Matt sat down beside her. “Shh, it’s okay. _We_ did the right thing. He’s not ready to see her like that, and he's sure as hell not ready to hear what she has to say. You and I both know mow much it could hurt him. He's worked so hard to get here, and it could've set him back.” 

She nodded through her tears. “I know, that’s what I told myself, too. But what if- what if I was just being selfish?” 

Matt frowned in confusion. “What do you mean?” 

“What if a part of me didn’t want him to see her, in case he might want to go back to living with her?” 

Matt smiled softly. “If there was, I wouldn’t blame you.” She sobbed in relief, burying her head in his chest. “That said, I know that if Amber had pulled herself together, if she was really okay, you would’ve told him right away.” 

“How can you be so sure?” 

He scoffed. “I’ve known you for twenty-five years, woman! I know you inside and out,” he told her with a kiss on her head. “I get it, hon. He’s- It’s hard not to love him, to not think of him as our son. But, it’s not the same for him. He needs more time.” He told her quietly. Lainie realized with a jolt that he probably had the same fears she did. 

“Do you think he ever will?” 

“I think part of him already does, but we have to be patient with him,” he reminded her gently.

“Did I screw up our chance?” She asked fearfully. 

He shook his head. “We’ll fix it.”

* * *

Justin didn’t really have a destination set out when he snuck out of his room; he just needed to be alone. He was about a mile away from the house when he realised that he didn’t have his phone on him. He cursed and checked his pockets again, and when he was sure it wasn’t on him, he turned around and ran all the way back. 

When he got there, he checked and saw that the lights he’d turned off in his room were on, so there was no point in him sneaking in. Without delaying the inevitable, he hurriedly entered the house and took the stairs two at a time. He hesitated when he got to his room, and after a few seconds of hesitation he tentatively opened the door. The breath was knocked out of him when he saw Lainie, with Matt’s arms around her, sobbing loudly. She looked devastated, and Justin almost forgave her right then. 

“Hey,” he said it quietly, but from the way Lainie’s head shot up, it was as if he’d shouted it. 

The rage in her eyes struck him dump, and he could do nothing else but stand frozen as she advanced on him. He had only a second to contemplate the real possibility of Lainie slapping him or something, before he dismissed the thought as ridiculous and was pulled into a tight hug. He welcomed it, though it was so tight that it felt like his ribs were being squeezed together. When he chanced a look at Matt, the older man’s expression was hard to read. It was kind, as always, but there seemed to be something else there. Justin was too tired to try and figure out what it was, so he ignored it. 

Lainie pulled back from the crushing hug, and Justin winced at the angry look she was giving him. “You’re grounded.” 

Justin’s mouth hung open. “Wha-“ 

“For two weeks!” She exclaimed. Without waiting to hear what he had to say, Lainie stormed out of his room, leaving him and Matt alone. 

Matt sat down on his bed and waved him over to sit next to him. “We’re going to talk," he informed him sternly. 

“I’m sorry-“ 

Matt shook his head. “I don’t want you to apologize right now, Justin, okay? I want you to listen to me, to let me explain.” 

Justin merely nodded. 

“Our job as your pa- as your adoptive parents is to protect you as much as we can. Not telling you about your mom was one of the ways we thought we were doing that.” 

“But _why_?” 

Matt sighed heavily, breaking eye contact, and stared at the wall instead. “Because she’s not in a good place right now, and we didn’t want you to see her like that.”

Justin didn’t mean to laugh, he really didn't. He could tell from the expression on Matt’s face that he was surprised and a little annoyed, which only made Justin laugh harder. 

“Justin?” 

He wiped his eyes, trying to supress his laughter. “I’m sorry!” It took him a few more seconds, but he did manage to stop laughing. “I watched my mother go through withdrawal seven times, three of those times were before I was _six years old_. I saw her get beaten so many times I stopped counting, and I always tried to take care of her afterwards. My earliest memory of my mom is her begging for money and food on the streets.” Matt kept flinching at every new piece of information, and a voice at the back of his mind begged Justin to stop talking, but he was too worked up to listen. “Whatever it is you want to protect me from, let me tell you right now, I’ve already lived it.” 

Matt swallowed roughly. “God, kid-” 

“Please, just let me see my mom.” 

Matt’s eyes filled with tears, and he closed them for a second. When he opened them, sympathy had replaced the tears. “I’m sorry, but for now-“ 

Justin shot up of the bed, and anger tightened his throat. “_You can't just say no_. You can’t do that! _She’s my mom_,” he shouted. 

“Kid-“ 

Justin shook his head, and just barely resisted the urge to scream. “Can you please get out?” He said through gritted teeth. 

“Justin, listen to me, please.” 

Justin glared. “I’m done. You’re not listening to me, so I’m just doing the same.” 

“You wanna know why we don’t want you to see her?” He turned around and saw Lainie in the doorway, her shoulders tense and her hands in tight fists. 

“Lainie..” 

She threw her hands up, frustrated. “What, Matt? It’s pretty obvious he’s not letting this go!” She turned to Justin, and her gaze seemed to soften slightly. “I don’t want to tell you this, Justin.” 

For the first time since he’d found out, Justin wasn’t completely sure he wanted to know. He swallowed down his fear, and nodded. “I know, but tell me anyway.” 

She took a deep breath. “When you were in Juvie, I began the process for your adoption,” she started. He was so surprised he couldn’t get a word out. They’d wanted him since then? Lainie continued without giving him the time to process the information she’d just dumped on him. “I tracked your mom down, and I went to talk to her about it. I wanted what was best for you, Justin, and so I gave her two options; get her act together with our help, so that by the time you were out she’d be able to take care of you, or to sign off her paternal rights over to us. I gave her a week to think it over, and once her time was over, she chose the latter.” 

“Is that why it didn’t take long to finalize the adoption?” He asked her quietly. She was surprised by his question, and he didn’t blame her. He knew that’s not what he should be asking now, but it was the first thing that had popped into his mind. 

Lainie nodded, watching him like a hawk for a reaction. But the thing was, he didn’t really have one. He knew they expected him to be surprised, or hurt, or even angry, but right now he felt pretty numb. He closed his eyes, then snapped them open when a question popped up into his mind. “Was that the last time you talked to her? Six months ago?” He silently cursed the fact that a bit of the hope he felt leaked into his words. 

Matt and Lainie exchanged a look, and Justin understood what that look meant right away. “It wasn’t,” he answered for her, his voice shaky and weak. 

“No, it wasn’t,” she told him gently. She took his hand into both of hers, and the warm, gentle touch had him shuddering. “Justin, she was trying to protect you, honey.” 

“Don’t make excuses for her, _please_.” A lone tear made its way down his cheek, and angrily wiped it away with his free hand. “You know she just wanted to get rid of me.” 

“Justin, your mother loves you.” _You’re my mother._

“Just not enough to fight for me.” She looked down, not meeting his eyes. “She doesn’t want to see me, does she?” 

Her head shot up in surprise, and her moth opened and closed a few times. In the end, she just nodded wordlessly. 

“I’ll keep trying, Justin, you have my word.” 

He smiled wryly, shaking his head. “Don’t bother, she’s not gonna change her mind.” 

She squeezed his hand with one of hers, and used the other to lift his head. His eyes met hers, and she smile. “I’ll keep trying anyway.”

* * *

**_*6 months later*_**

* * *

“Boys, we’re leaving!” 

Justin looked up from his phone and waved lazily in Lainie and Matt’s direction, while Clay yelled his goodbye from the kitchen. 

Lainie hesitated by the door, then walked over to where Justin was sitting. Justin looked up at her. “Don’t forget to lock the doors, okay?” She told him, rummaging in her purse for something. She huffed and seemed to give up on finding whatever it was she was looking for. She refocused her attention back on him. “And if you want to invite your friends over, you can, but absolutely _no drinking _and no parties, okay?” 

Matt was standing by the door, waiting for her with a resigned, but fond, look on his face. He caught Justin’s eye and they both shared a grin. Justin nodded. “Got it. Have fun,” he said with a smile. 

Lainie smiled back, bending down and kissing his hair quickly. Justin startled, but recovered quickly. These simple acts of affection still took him by surprise sometimes, even after living with the Jensens for a little over six months. 

“You too, kiddo. If you two need anything, call, alright?” 

“Clay, we’re leaving!” Matt called out as he opened the front door. 

“Bye!” Clay yelled again, still not leaving the kitchen. Clay had warned Justin about ‘the talk’ he suffered through before every date night for his parents, and Justin suspected he would be hiding in the kitchen until they left, leaving him alone to sit through it. Justin didn’t mind though, he actually kind of liked it. It meant they cared. 

The second the front door clicked shut, Clay came in, phone in his hand. “You want to watch a movie?” He asked without looking up from his phone. 

“Yeah, sure. What are we watching?” He asked, and was promptly ignored. “Clay? Hey, Clay, are you ignoring me?” 

Clay looked up from his phone. “Huh?” 

Justin eyed him suspiciously. “Who are you texting?” 

Clay quickly locked his phone and put it in his pocket. “Nobody,” he said quickly. 

Justin tilted his head to the side and watched Clay squirm for a few seconds. “You’re blushing.” 

Clay glared, his cheeks tinged red. “Am not.” 

Justin laughed. “You so are. Oh my god, who is it?! Is it Skye again?” 

“It’s not Skye!” Clay snapped. “Just leave it alone, Justin.” 

It seemed that Clay was about to become really upset, not just embarrassed, so Justin let it go. “So, what movie are we watching?” 

“What?” 

Justin rolled his eyes. “You said we could watch a movie. What did you have in mind?” 

Clay shrugged. “Maybe we should just see what’s on Netflix?” 

“Sure, whatever.” 

Clay’s phone pinged, and he unlocked it and read the text he’d gotten with a small smile. Oh, it was definitely a girl. He grabbed his laptop, then sat beside Justin and opened Netflix. After a few minutes, he turned to Justin. “Mind if we invite people over for a movie night?” 

Justin’s eyebrows disappeared into his hairline. “You want to invite people over?” 

Clay rolled his eyes, and Justin was tempted to stick out his tongue at the other boy. “Sure, that sounds fun. Is whoever you’re texting coming?” 

Clay’s eyes widened, but he seemed to recover quickly, though he wasn’t quick enough to hide the reaction from Justin. “No!” The word came out in a weird whisper-shout. 

Justin snickered. “That was convincing, Clay.” 

A throw-pillow hit him square in the face, but he continued laughing. 

“Shut up, Justin!” Clay exclaimed, holding another pillow over his head. 

“Okay! Okay, dude, I’ll shut up,” Justin said, holding both his hands up. 

“Yeah, right,” Clay scoffed, sitting back down with a huff. 

“Who do you want to invite?” 

Clay answered immediately. “Sheri, Tony, Jess, Alex and Zach.” 

Justin nodded. “Sounds cool. You should tell them now, though, before it gets too late.” 

“Yeah. I’ll text them all right now.” 

Less than a minute later, Clay got what sounded like more than thirty successive texts. 

“Sheri’s coming. Jess, Alex and Zach, too, but Tony might not.” Clay informed him, and Justin was surprised that Alex was coming. 

Things with Alex were still rocky, even after six months. Justin couldn’t blame him, but he was getting desperate to fix things. Their only interactions were to say hello and goodbye, and that was only if they were out with their group of friends, since Alex tended to ignore him otherwise. Justin had tried to apologize so many times he’d actually lost count, but Alex shot him down every time, so he’d learnt to let it go. Not having Alex in his life was hitting him harder than he’d expected, and Justin refused to examine what that meant. Seeing him with their friends, seeing what it could’ve been like to be Alex’s friend, made him wistful and invoked a feeling of jealousy stronger than he’d ever felt before. 

“Do you wanna go grab some snacks?” Clay asked, breaking him out of his thoughts. 

Justin shrugged. “Sure. Do you know what everyone wants?” 

“I’ll ask, and if they don’t answer, we’ll just grab a bunch of stuff.” 

He and Clay were out of the house in under five minutes, and the drive to the store was short. They went in together, and immediately got to work; Clay rattling off everyone’s preferences, and Justin pulling them off the shelves and into his arms, occasionally pulling a face at some of the things they’d requested. 

“Candy corn? Pickles? Clay, someone asked for _Pickles_?” He asked in disbelief. 

“They’re delicious,” Clay protested. 

Justin stopped dead in his tracks, staring at his brother. “Clay, you _hate _pickles.” He struggled with carrying the pile, regretting his decision to be lazy and not getting a basket. Clay didn’t argue, and Justin took it as a win, though he did seem a bit pale. 

“Hey, you okay?” He asked as he deposited the snacks- and a small jar of pickles- on the counter. 

“I just said _pickles _were _delicious,_ Justin. I hate pickles.” 

"Yeah, we've established that." Justin smirked at Clay, who was too busy paying for everything to notice. “So, who wants the pickles?” 

Clay just glared at him. “Just get in the car.” 

Justin laughed at the other boy all the way home. 

.

Justin had been worried things would be awkward, as this would probably be the longest he and Alex would spend together, but things were going surprisingly well. Alex was mostly ignoring him, Zach was alternating between talking to him and Alex, and Jess seemed to gravitate towards Sheri, who in turn stuck close to Clay. It was a bit odd, their arrangement, but it worked and no one was ever left out or alone. 

“Hey, Clay, when are your parents coming home?” Zach asked. 

“Probably tomorrow,” Clay answered casually, and Justin was surprised. 

“They said they’d be back late tonight, though,” he told him with a frown. 

Clay snorted. “They always say that. But they always end up renting a room in a motel or an inn.” 

“Ah, got it.” 

“So, are we pulling an all-nighter, then?” Zach asked, looking excited. 

Justin looked at Clay, who was already looking at him. The other boy raised an eyebrow in question, and Justin just shrugged. Clay turned to the group. 

“Sure, if you guys want to." 

“I’m fine with it,” Sheri said with a wide grin, her eyes on Clay, whose neck was turning a brighter shade of red by the second. Justin grinned, watching them. He was starting to think she was who Clay had been texting. 

Zach nodded. “Me too. How about you two?” He asked Jessica and Alex. 

“I’m gonna have to tell my parents first,” Jessica answered, already reaching for her phone. 

“Me too,” Alex said, getting up to his feet. Justin resisted the urge to offer his help, knowing Alex would hate it if he did. He was surprised when Alex seemed to get up with minimal struggle. Justin realized with a pang that he’d seen so little of Alex in the past couple of months he’d missed the fact that he’d gotten better, a lot better. 

After both Jess and Alex confirmed they were staying, the movie debate started. It was harmless at first, but then the Star Wars Vs. Star Trek debate started and it was like a war zone. Justin mostly stayed out of it, because he hadn’t watched either- except for the Star Trek reboot, which, according to Sheri didn’t count. He watched them bicker impatiently and was more than a little annoyed. At this rate, they weren't going to watch _anything_ at all. The doorbell rang, and Justin, relieved to get a small reprieve from the bickering, got up to answer. 

When he opened the door, he was surprised to see Tony on the other side. “Hey, Tony! I thought you weren’t coming.” 

“Changed my mind. What’s the noise about?” He asked as he made his way inside, Justin trailing after him. 

“Hey, Tony! Come back me up,” Clay exclaimed before Justin could answer Tony. 

“About what?” 

“Star Trek or Star Wars?” 

“Star Wars, obviously.” Tony scoffed. Clay smiled widely and pointed at Tony as if to say ‘hah, see?’ and Justin watched in horror as Tony, too, was roped into the argument. 

He gave them a minute before he interfered. “We’re watching neither,” he declared loudly, glaring at them all. 

“I’m with Justin on this one,” Zach said, looking amused. 

“Fine,” Clay huffed, looking betrayed. Justin wondered if it was because he hadn’t sided with him, or if it was because Sheri apparently liked Star Trek. 

“So, then what do we watch?” 

“Oooh, how about Conjuring?” Sheri suggested, excited. 

“Are you out of your mind?” Jess exclaimed, looking at the other girl like she’d grown two heads. 

Zach looked a bit uncomfortable, Clay looked like he was in love and Tony looked as clueless as Justin felt. Alex didn’t seem to care much, and Justin wondered why he wasn’t giving an opinion about anything. 

“What’s Conjuring?” Justin asked Clay. 

“Only the best Horror movie ever,” Clay informed him. Now, it was Sheri’s turn to look in love.Tony looked interested , and Justin dreaded it, because it seemed like that was the movie they were going to watch. Justin hated horror movies with a passion, and he never understood people’s love for watching movies that scared the living shit out of them. 

He swallowed his protest back, and told himself to man up. He refused to embarrass himself in front of all of his friends. By the look on Zach’s face, he was telling himself the same thing. They shared a desperate look and then in an unspoken agreement sat down next to each other on the floor when everyone settled for the movie. Clay distributed the snacks, and Justin noticed when he gave Sheri the jar of pickles. 

Alex, Sheri and Jess squeezed themselves onto the couch, while Zach, Justin, Clay and Tony sat down in front of them. Justin ended up sitting directly in front of Alex, sandwiched between Zach and Clay. Clay hit play, and Justin tried to concentrate on the movie, resisting the urge to close his eyes, because if someone saw, he would never live it down. The first few minutes weren’t all that bad, and Justin began to relax; maybe the movie wasn’t so bad. He changed his mind quickly when the kid ran past the lady Justin couldn’t remember the name of. He shuddered at the sound of the kid’s creepy laughter and felt Zach tense beside him. When the nun appeared in the mirror, Justin regretted agreeing to this, and then jumped out of his skin when she started choking the lady. 

“Jesus,” Zach whispered in horror. Justin turned to him and nodded. “This is the _beginning. _I should’ve made an excuse and got the hell out of here,” Zach told him in a low whisper. 

“Me too,” Justin agreed. 

“You live here, baby Jensen,” Zach teased him, and though he was glad for the distraction, Justin still glared at him. 

“I told you not to call me that!” 

“Shhhhh,” Sheri said, slapping them both on the back of their heads. “Watch the movie,” she scolded. 

Zach and Justin exchanged a look of resignation and turned back to the movie, both rubbing their heads. 

Halfway through the movie, Justin felt a poke on his back and flinched forward. 

“I want to get some water,” Alex whispered. “Move.” 

“I’ll get it!” He jumped at the chance to get away from the movie. 

Alex looked annoyed. “I can get my own water, Justin.” 

“Oh, I know.” He did move for the other boy, though, disappointed that he shot him down so quickly. 

Alex was gone for maybe thirty seconds when the guy appeared behind the little girl and screamed “My HOUSE!” 

“Fuck,” Zach shouted, his hand coming up to clutch at Justin’s arm. Justin shot up, nearly falling over when Zach wouldn’t let go. When he did, Justin straightened up and left the room under the pretence of helping Alex. 

He went into the kitchen, and found the boy slowly sipping water from a tall glass, looking miles away. 

“You okay, Alex?”

* * *

It had taken a lot of convincing for Alex to agree to come to the Jensen’s house, mainly because Justin would be there. What Jess and Justin had done _sucked_, and when she’d first told him about it, he’d been so angry at them that it scared him. But he’d had six months to come to terms with it, and though he had forgiven them both, it was easier to get things back to where they were with Jessica than it was with Justin. He’d been giving him the cold shoulder for so long that he didn’t know if Justin still wanted to make amends after all this time. The thought of them drifting apart even more, of not having the other boy in his life anymore, surprisingly sent a jolt of fear through Alex. He'd obsessed over the reason for that for a while, and what he came up with wasn’t something Alex wanted to linger on. 

They were never really friends, but they’d been _something_. Alex had always avoided even thinking about what that ‘something’ could be, because whenever he did, it lead him closer to a fact he didn’t want to admit; not even to himself. 

Alex shook his head, trying to dispel the thoughts that crept up on him, because he was headed into some pretty dangerous territory. He re-filled his glass of water and sipped slowly, stalling a little.

He was surprisingly having fun tonight with his friends, and up until they settled in for the movie, things had been great. When the movie started, though, that had changed. Alex, try as he might, hadn’t been able to properly watch the movie, because Justin sitting in front of him was _distracting_. He hated it, and not for the reason he should’ve. He hated it because he could feel the solid muscles of the other boy’s back against his legs whenever he shifted, and he could smell his shampoo, something fruity, to Alex’s surprise, whenever he moved quickly. Alex also hated it because he could clearly see that Justin was scared shitless of the movie, and he found it _adorable_. His attraction to boys wasn’t new by any means, though he hadn’t exactly been open about it either, but it was an inconvenience when the boy he was attracted to happened to be the one his sort-of-girlfriend cheated on him with. 

“You okay, Alex?” 

He nearly dropped the glass in his hand, and once he was sure it was secure in his grip, he turned to the other boy with a glare. “Jesus, Justin, you scared me.” 

“Sorry,” he exclaimed, looking genuine. 

“I told you I could get my own water,” he said as he waived the glass in his hand. 

“I know,” Justin answered casually, and it didn’t seem like a lie. 

"Then, what are you doing here?" 

"Nothing!" 

Alex raised an eyebrow at the other boy, who seemed to deflate under his stare. 

“That movie is fucking creepy, man!” 

Alex, despite his effort not to, chuckled. 

“Don’t laugh at me,” the other boy whined, throwing his hands up. He sobered up pretty quickly, and Alex braced himself for what he knew was coming. “Can we talk?” 

Alex meant to say no, meant to tell him that this wasn’t the place or the time. What came out was a shaky ‘yes’, and Alex realized that he’d never been able to say no to the other boy (_or turn him away when he needed him, or stay mad at him_). He suspected it was the puppy dog eyes, or maybe, as Hannah had said, that damn smile of his. And Alex, truth be told, didn’t like it. 

Justin took a deep breath, looking nervous. “I’m sorry, Alex,” Justin said, looking at his hands. “What I did, what _we _did, to you-” 

“Justin-” 

Justin shook his head. “Please, let me get this out. I’ve been waiting to say this to you for six fucking months, Alex. ” 

Alex nodded, feeling guilty for putting this conversation off for so long. “Okay.”

“I’m sorry that it happened. I was messed up that night, I wasn’t thinking straight, and neither was Jess. It’s no excuse, I know that, but I- I’m sorry that it hurt you, you didn’t deserve that.”

Alex took a shaky breath and let it out slowly. “Thank you for saying that. It means a lot, Justin. But, I’ve moved on and- and I’ve forgiven you a long time ago.” 

Justin shook his head and moved closer to Alex. He leaned his hip on the counter and stared at Alex. “Then why the hell didn’t you talk to me? Why did you ignore me all this time?” 

_Because I think I like you_, _and it scares the crap out of me_, Alex thought shakily, admitting it to himself for the first time. “I don’t know,” he said out loud. They stood like that for a few seconds, silent. 

“I’m glad you’re okay, Alex, and that you’re doing better,” Justin told him quietly. “And I’m sorry I didn’t see it.” It wasn’t hard to figure out what Justin was talking about. 

“No one did,” he told the other boy, not meeting his eyes. “And it was a long time ago.” 

“Still, I should’ve.” 

Alex stared at him incredulously. “Why? We weren’t exactly friends, Justin.” 

Justin seemed a little hurt by that. “Weren’t we?” 

“I guess, yeah.” Alex, feeling off-balance, decided to end the conversation. “Let’s go back to the movie, huh?” Justin seemed to want to say more, but he thankfully didn't push and just nodded.

He hadn’t even taken two steps when he felt a hand on his shoulder. When he turned, he found Justin a lot closer than he thought he would be. 

“Are we good?” Justin asked, genuinely concerned.

Alex smiled softly. “We’re getting there, I think." 

He was probably imagining it, but he saw Justin’s eyes drift to his lips, and before he could double check, Zach came bounding in. “What the hell is taking you two so long? You’re missing the movie!” 

Justin chuckled, though it seemed a bit forced. “That’s the point, Zach.” 

Justin led the way out of the kitchen, and Zach fell into step with Alex. He leaned in close to whisper in his ear. “What did I just walk in on?” 

“Nothing,” Alex told him, trying to project an air of nonchalance.

“Aha, yeah, that’s convincing.”

He glared at him. “Drop it, okay?” Alex snapped.

Zach just held his hands up in surrender. Alex didn’t miss the grin on his face, but he chose to ignore it.

* * *

Just as they were about to decide on the second movie, the doorbell rang, and Alex watched as Clay and Justin exchanged a confused look before Justin got up to answer.

He heard voices, but couldn’t understand what was being said. It was probably just a neighbour, anyway.

But then, there was a thud and a heart-stopping scream that was unmistakably Justin’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm already working on Chapters 4-5 (I'm 9k words in with no close end in sight, so that should be fun, lol), but I don't know for sure when I'll post them, because I want them to be as perfect as I can make them, so be patient with me, and It'll hopefully be worth it. I love you guys <3


	4. Take my mind and take my pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally here!   
1)Thanks to everyone for the support, every word means the world to me  
2)Sorry for the long long wait, but it's here!... Don't hate me?

When Justin opened the door, the last person he expected to see was his mother. To say he was surprised would be an understatement given the amount of times he’d tried to get in contact with her and the amount of times she’d refused to even see him. None of that mattered to him now, though. He was just happy to see her here and alive. He grinned at her, and opened the door wide, motioning for her to come inside. She hesitated, but then came in. She walked slowly, and her steps were a little clumsy.

“Hey, mom. I- are you okay?” He asked her gently, his eyes scanning her body. She answered that she was fine, but she didn’t look it. She seemed to have lost weight, though Justin hadn’t thought that was possible, and she looked way too pale for his liking. Justin swallowed back the guilt he felt, as irrational as it may be, and walked closer. To his surprise, she took a step back, and tightened her arms around her torso. “Mom?”

“We need to leave, Justin. Pack up and let’s go,” she told him urgently, her breath hitching. 

Justin frowned, confused. “Mom, I can’t leave here.” 

She looked scared now, and more than a little desperate. “You have to, baby. Seth found out about the money. He’s- He’s coming for-” A look of pain crossed her face and she doubled over, a gasp escaping her lips. 

“Mom!” This time, he didn’t allow her to push him away and helped her straighten up. “What’s going on, mom? Do you need a hospital? Did you take something?” 

She shook her head. “We don’t have time for this, go get your stuff,” she told him through gritted teeth. 

“No!” He snapped. “I’m not leaving.” 

“Why the hell not?!” She snapped back at him, her eyes ablaze with a fire he’d never seen in her. “What do you have here that’s more important than your life, Justin?” 

“A home, mom,” he told her quietly. She reeled back, looking shocked. “A family, friends, and people who actually care about me. I don’t want to leave, mom,” he told her, willing her to understand. “I don’t want you to leave, either.” 

Tears started to stream down her face, and Justin watched helplessly as she seemed to fold in on herself. She stepped away from him and looked down, her shoulders shaking. “I’m so sorry, baby. I’m sorry I didn’t give you any of that.” 

He pushed back the tears that threatened to fall, and tried to hug her, but again, she shied away from him. It frustrated him, how she seemed to be trying to distance herself from him. He tried to get through to her. “No. Hey, mom? Mom, it’s okay, I promise.” He tried to assure her, putting his hands on her arms. Her skin was cold and clammy, but he didn’t pay it any mind. “We can- we can start over here, mom, just you and me. We don’t need anyone else.” It was a lie, but he was deperate to convince her. The truth was, he didn't think he could survive going back to living with his mom; not after he experienced what having a family truly felt like. 

She smiled softly, and she seemed serene, or maybe resigned. One of her hands, thin, weak and shaking, came up to his cheek. “My beautiful boy.” Her eyes scanned his face in a way that made it seem like she was trying to memorize it. 

“Mom?” 

Her hand fell back down to her side and she swayed a little. Justin caught her, and steadied her. “I love you,” she told him in a soft whisper. He panicked and tightened his arms around her, pulling her fully into a desperate hug. 

It took him more time than it should’ve to notice the wetness that was seeping into his shirt, and even longer to notice that his mother was getting heavier by the minute. Her knees buckled, and she slipped away from his arms. 

“_Mom_!” Justin screamed, falling down to his knees beside her, ignoring the red staining his shirt and hand. “_Clay!_” He shouted, pushing her jacket away from her body. Bile rose in his throat at the gaping hole he found in her side, right under her ribcage. Blood was oozing out of the wound slowly and Justin quickly pushed down on it with both hands. 

Clay, Zach, Tony and the girls came rushing in, Alex only a few paces behind. Justin looked up at them, his eyes wide. There were varying degrees of horror, concern and confusion on their faces, but Justin didn’t care. He just wanted one thing. 

“Help me, _please_.”

* * *

“_Mom_!” 

When Clay heard Justin’s scream, he froze for a split second, and his body tensed. The second time Justin screamed, this time for him, drove him into action. He got up and rushed to where he knew Justin was, Zach and Tony ahead of him, and Alex and the girls behind him. He stopped in his tracks when he found Justin kneeling next to his mother’s body, his hands, covered in blood, pushing down onto her side. Her eyes were closed, her chest barely moving with each breath; Justin’s mother looked like she was already dead. Justin looked up at them, and Clay noticed the heartbreaking desperation in his eyes. 

“Help me, _please_.” He pleaded with them, and the bitch of it was, Clay wasn’t really sure anyone _could_.

*

They called an ambulance, but Justin pleaded with them to take in the car, so Clay nodded, and handed Tony his car keys. Clay helped Justin carry his mother to the car, all the while praying that somehow, she could survive this. Justin got in first, his mother cradled in his arms protectively. Clay went in after him, and as soon as he was in, Tony and, to Clay’s surprise, Alex, got in the car. Tony wasted no time, and they took off toward the hospital at breakneck speed. 

“Mom? Mom, wake up, please,” Justin whispered quietly, patting his mom’s cheek. Clay turned on the light in the car, and immediately noticed that Justin was crying quietly, one hand pressing down on the wound, the other alternating between patting his mother’s cheek and her hair. Clay closed his eyes tightly and a few tears escaped his closed lids, running down his cheeks. He discreetly wiped them away, and took a deep breath, pulling himself together as best as he could. 

“Mom?!” Justin exclaimed, a smile breaking out across his face. “Hi,” he said softly, his free hand clutching one of hers. “We’re taking you to the hospital, mom. You’ll be okay, alright?”

  
“I love you, Justin,” she whispered with a soft smile on her lips. “Take care of yourself, baby.” Justin shook his head frantically, and she lifted her one of her hands to his cheek. The movement seemed to take a lot of effort on her part, and the realization that they would be lucky if she even made it to the hospital knocked the breath out of Clay. 

“Mom, stay with me, okay? Just stay with me.” Her hand slackened and began to fall, but Justin caught it before it fell all the way and lowered it gently to rest on her thigh. “Mom, stay awake.” 

She opened her eyes slowly, and licked her dry lips. “You’ll be okay, won’t you?” 

Justin shook his head. “I need you, mom,” he sobbed. 

“You don’t,” she said, then coughed weakly. “I ruined you.” The sorrow in her voice was evident, and Clay’s eyes filled with tears, yet again. It wasn’t fair that this had to happen to Justin just as he was becoming okay again; it wasn’t fair that he had to watch his mother die. 

“We’re two minutes away,” Tony said quietly from the driver’s seat. Clay closed his eyes. Two minutes felt like a lifetime, and she didn’t seem like she could hold on that long. 

“You hear that, mom? Just two minutes, okay? Just hold on for two minutes, please,” Justin pleaded with his mother. Her eyes closed, and her head lolled to the side. “Mom, hey!” Justin tried to shake her awake, but it didn’t seem to do any good. Clay could tell that she’d stopped breathing, and he quickly took her wrist in his hand and checked her pulse. His heart sank when there was nothing. He looked at Justin with tear-filled eyes and shook his head. 

“No,” the other boy whispered in horror. He pulled her body close to his and buried his face into the crook of her neck, rocking back and forth. “Please don’t leave me, mom.” The muffled words soon turned into heart wrenching sobs, and Clay wanted nothing more than to comfort Justin somehow. 

The car screeched to a halt outside the hospital doors, and Tony quickly got out and ran inside. Clay put a hand on Justin’s shoulder. “Justin, we need to take her inside, okay? You’ve got to let her go.” 

The other boy didn’t seem to hear him, and continued to cry into his mother’s neck. Clay turned to Alex helplessly, and found him crying silently, his eyes fixed on Justin. 

Before Clay could attempt to talk Justin into letting his mother go, he was pushed out of the way by a nurse, who, with the help of another nurse and a doctor, got Justin’s mother out of the car and onto a stretcher. He watched them go with his heart in his throat, because Clay knew with a certainty he despised, that Justin’s mother would not survive. He closed his eyes for a few seconds and then turned back to Justin. To Clay’s surprise, he was still sitting in the car, looking down at his limp, bloody hands. Clay shared a look a look with Alex, who merely shrugged helplessly. Neither of them knew what to do, and the thing was, they _shouldn’t _have to. They were just kids; they shouldn’t have to witness so much pain, so much heartache. 

Clay heard Zach before he saw him; the other boy’s footsteps were loud and fast as he ran to them. “What happened? Is she okay? Where’s Justin?” 

Clay pointed at the car, and Zach cursed under his breath when he saw the state Justin was in. Clay watched as Zach crouched down in front of the car’s opened door, talking quietly. When Justin didn’t respond, Clay took out his phone and called his parents. They’d know what to do. 

_God, we’re just kids. _He took a deep breath, and dialed. 

“Hello?” 

“_Mom…_”

*

After Zach managed to get Justin out of the car, they all went into the hospital, settling in onto the uncomfortable chairs in the waiting room. Justin, after a few minutes, sprang up and stalked off down the hall, not saying a word to any of them. Alex and Zach both made to follow, but Clay stopped them both. 

“I’ve got him,” he told them, then jogged down the hall.

*

“Justin,” Clay breathed, relieved to have found him. He’d looked everywhere for him and by a stroke of dumb luck had found him in the chapel. He stepped in and slowly made his way to the front pew, where Justin was sat, hunched over. “Justin,” he said louder, not that it helped, because Justin didn’t so much as move an inch. 

“Is she dead?” Clay startled at the quiet words, and he struggled to find the right thing to say. He sat down next to Justin, and the other boy turned to look at him. His eyes were red-rimmed but dry, and he looked so defeated that it hurt to look at him. “It’s okay, you don’t have to say it; I know she is.” 

Clay shook his head. “She’s not dead, Justin,” he managed to get out. 

“Yet.” 

“Don’t say that, man. You can’t know for sure.” 

Justin looked down at his hands, and Clay winced at the dry blood that covered them. “She lost so much blood, Clay. She stopped breathing, and her heart stopped,” his voice shook at those last words. “I killed her, Clay.” 

Clay frowned in confusion. “What are you talking about? It’s not your fault!” 

“Yes, it is. Seth did this to her-” 

“You can’t know that, Justin!” Clay exclaimed his frustration evident, even though he tried to tone it down. 

Justin shook his head at Clay, looking at him with pain-filled eyes. “I can, Clay. She told me so. I took his money, so he went after my mom.” 

Clay merely stared at him, struggling to find the right words. Deep down, he knew there was nothing he could say to make the situation better. The thing was, Seth had gone after Justin’s mom because Justin had stolen his money, there was no way around this fact. But what Clay understood, and Justin refused to, was that he was just a kid, and he’d stupidly thought he could get away with it with no consequences. He’d thought his mother was safe, and by all accounts, she should’ve been. No one would’ve thought Seth would go after her and not Justin. “It’s not your fault, Justin. Stop blaming yourself for everything.” The minute the words were out of his mouth, he regretted the immensely. 

Justin glared at him, though with the tears in his eyes, it didn’t have the effect Justin wanted to achieve. “What, do you think it’s a switch I can fucking flip? It’s just fucking hard to not feel guilty when I’m the direct reason he went after my mom, Clay.” His breath hitched, and he leaned his forward, hands wrapped around his midsection like he was trying to keep himself together. “You think I want to feel like this, Clay?! She came to warn me, to save me, instead of going to the hospital, and it got her killed. Seth may have been the one to shoot her, but I fucking handed him the gun." 

“_He _shot her. He did this, Justin, not you.” Clay hoped to god he could get through to him this time, because he didn’t know any other way to do it. He was young, they were all so young, and none of them had any idea how to carry the weight life seemed to be mounting on their shoulders. 

“Because of me. _He _did it because of _me_. Hannah, what happened to Jess, and now my mom? I don't know how to live with so much guilt, Clay.” 

Clay just shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know either, man.” 

“If I hadn’t been so fucking selfish, my mom wouldn’t have been _hurt_,” that last word came out as a broken sob, and Clay pulled him into a tight hug. Justin came willingly, resting his head in the crook of the other boy’s neck. Clay could tell he was holding back tears, but he didn’t comment, just tried to hold him tighter. 

“It’s not your fault, Justin. It’s not. You made a stupid mistake in a shitty situation, and it is not on you that your mom is-” _dead_, he thought, because there was no way she could’ve lived with all that blood loss. “-hurt,” he said instead. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Justin gasped into his neck, and Clay tightened his hold on him. He was tempted to tell him he had nothing to be sorry for, but Clay knew it wouldn’t matter now, not when Justin was drowning in his guilt. 

So he just held him as tight as he could, wishing it was enough to keep him from falling apart any further.

* * *

“How are we supposed to tell him his mother is dead?” The words, quiet as they were, rang out in the cold waiting room, breaking the stunned silence the nurse had left them in. 

Zach shook his head, and Alex saw him wiping a tear away. “I don’t know, Alex. God, this is so messed up.” 

Alex felt cold, all the way to his bones. He knew with a sick sense of certainty that Justin would not survive this. Not this as in losing his mother, because Alex wasn’t naive enough to think that she was the sort of mother Justin would be devastated to lose. He felt a little guilty for thinking it, but he knew it was the truth. What _would _devastate him, however, was the guilt. The guilt for not looking for her, for not helping her, for choosing the Jensens over her. It was irrational, but that was how it worked most of the time. 

The five of them were scattered around the waiting room, all in varying states of horror. This was too big for them to handle, it was _too much_. 

Alex looked up just in time to see Mr. and Mrs. Jensen hurrying towards them. Relief flooded him, loosening the tension in his shoulders. He got up, and once they reached him, Mrs. Jensen grabbed his arm gently. 

“Alex, honey, what happened?!” 

He swallowed past the lump in his throat and tried to form a coherent response to her question. “I don’t- She,” he blew out a breath, tried his best to even his breathing. Mrs. Jensen must have noticed, because her face softened and she squeezed his arm comfortingly, smiling. Her smile didn’t reach her eyes, but it managed to soothe him enough to get the words out. 

“Justin’s mom is dead. We don’t know what happened, she just showed up like that to the house. We were watching a movie when the doorbell rang, and Justin went to open it and…”he trailed off; sure she’d be able to fill the blanks. 

She nodded, and her hand left his arm in favor of her husband’s. They both looked like they were in a world of hurt, and it struck Alex how good these people were. He was glad, so glad, that Justin had them in his corner, because he was going to need it. 

Just then, Clay and Justin came into view, and it looked like Clay’s arm around Justin’s shoulders was the only thing keeping him standing. 

Mrs. Jensen wasted no time in rushing to her adopted son, embracing him in a way only a mother would. Justin seemed to melt into it, burying his face in the woman’s shoulder and clinging to her tightly. 

“I’m so sorry, honey. I’m so sorry for your loss,” she spoke quietly, but Alex could still hear her, and he felt every part of him freeze as he realized that he hadn’t told Mrs. Jensen that Justin didn’t know yet, and she’d assumed he did. 

He watched in horror as her words registered in Justin’s mind. Time seemed to stop, and there was only this; Justin’s arms dropping from around Mrs. Jensen’s waist, Clay’s hands flying to his hair as he squeezed his eyes shut, Matt and Lainie Jensen sharing a confused look. Alex kept his eyes on Justin, watching as his expression went from confusion, to horror, to heartbreak, only to settle on defeat. 

Justin looked like a puppet with its strings cut, and Alex wasn’t sure how they could ever get him back after this.

*

Amber Foley’s funeral was on a Tuesday. It was a big turnout, given that it was Justin Foley’s mother’s funeral, but what was depressing about it, Clay mused, other than the fact that Justin’s mom was dead, was that there’s no family members in attendance, none at all. He and his parents stood beside Justin the whole time, barely leaving his side. Justin didn’t seem to notice, though, going through the motions in what seemed to be a practiced way. To someone who didn’t know him like Clay did, Justin would look alert. To Clay, he looked like a ghost of who he used to be; he looked _dead. _And there wasn’t a damn thing any of them can do at this point but to be there, and hope he’d snap out of it soon. 

The funeral is a blur, and so is the wake. When everybody was gone, and Justin had gone to the bathroom, Clay and his parents were left standing in their living room, none of them having the energy to do much other than to sit in silence. 

“What now?” Clay, unable to handle the silence, asked them quietly. They were the adults, they should know what to do. From the helpless look they shared, though, Clay realized that they were as helpless as he was. Maybe when faced with a timeless concept like death, they were all in the same boat, clueless and lost. 

“I guess we just have to be there for him, try to figure out what he might need and give it to him,” his father told him quietly. Clay had no clue how to do that. That night, after they’d come back from the hospital, in his desperation to help, he’d sat with Justin in his room, watching him as he stared at the ceiling. Clay had tried to get him to talk about what had happened, and when that didn’t work, he’d tried to distract him, which also didn’t work. He’d settled for just sitting with him in silence. He didn’t know if it had helped Justin or not, but it did help him. It was selfish, but doing that made Clay feel less useless. 

They heard the door to the upstairs bathroom open and then close quietly, then the same for Justin’s room. From the nervous glances his parents gave each other, Clay could tell they didn’t like the closed door, but were trying give Justin some space before they checked on him. He marveled at their self-restraint. He got up without a word and bounded up the stairs, knocking on Justin’s door and not giving him the time to answer before barging in. He found him sitting on the bed, suit jacket thrown on the ground and tie loose, his head in his hands. “Justin?” 

“Go away, Clay.” He sounded tired, like the weight of the whole world was on his shoulders. 

“You know better than to think I’m actually going to listen, Justin.” He settled down next to him, but not too close as to not crowd him. 

“Please,” he begged quietly, still not looking at him. Clay wasn’t sure what he supposed to do now. He knew he wanted to stay with him, like he had two nights ago, but he didn’t know if it was the right thing to do. Justin had been through so much, and he didn’t deserve to have his request dismissed. However, Clay also knew he might be pushing him away, that he didn’t really want him to go. 

“Justin, are you sure?” _Say no, tell me to stay_. 

“Yeah, I am.” 

“Alright, if you need anything…” Clay trailed off, knowing he didn’t need to say it, but wanting to all the same. 

Justin just nodded. 

Clay left Justin’s room feeling like hell, worried and sick to his stomach. He found his parents both waiting at his door, both seemingly anxious. “Is he okay?” 

Tears sprung to his eyes as he watched them. He didn’t think about it much, most teenagers didn’t, but Clay realized how lucky he was to have them; kind and fair and so, so good. Clay crossed the space between them and wrapped his arms around both his parents, probably squeezing too tight. They didn’t mention it, but they both tightened their arms around him. “I love you,” he told them quietly, fiercely. 

“We love you too, Baby,” his mother told him, her eyes red. 

His dad wiped the tears that fell down his face, and Clay leaned into the touch. “Get some rest, kiddo. We’ve got him.” 

Clay nodded. “Okay, goodnight.” 

He changed and got into bed on autopilot. He knew as he settled into bed that sleep tonight wouldn’t come easy, and he dreaded the night ahead. He tried not to think about what Justin might be feeling now, knowing that what he was feeling was practically nothing compared to what the other boy must be feeling right now. 

……………………………………………

When Alex got home from Justin’s mom’s wake, he hugged his parents. It was probably the longest hug they’d shared in- god, he didn’t even remember the last time he’d hugged them like this. Alex could tell they were surprised, but they went with it, hugging him just as tight. His mom kissed his forehead sweetly. 

“Are you okay, sweetheart?” 

“Yeah, mom, I am. I-I love you guys.” 

They both smiled, and his father squeezed his shoulder. “Love you too, Alex.” 

His mother nodded, her hand on her chest as she fought back tears. “So much,” she added, sniffling. 

They exchanged quiet goodnights, and he headed to bed. He lay down on his bed and stared at the ceiling for a solid thirty minutes, trying to figure out if he should reach out to Justin or not. He’d avoided him today, spent the entire time watching him from afar. Truth was, a big part of him had wanted nothing more than to go to him, to see how he was doing, but a smaller, though infinitely louder, part of him told him that he’d be of no use to Justin, that he wouldn’t know what to say, and Alex hadn’t wanted to take the chance of saying the wrong thing and making things worse. He regretted that choice now, immensely. So, in order to feel a little less lousy about it, Alex grabbed his phone and sent a short message to Justin. 

_I’m so sorry, Justin. If you need anything, I’m here._

Though he meant what he said, He knew Justin would take the words at face value, consider them useless platitudes. But he’d done what he could now, and maybe when he saw him next time, he’d be a little braver.

…………………………………

Justin wasn’t surprised when he woke up screaming in the middle of the night. What did surprise him, however, was Lainie appearing by his side seconds after he woke up. She hovered near the foot of the bed, wringing her hands together anxiously. He stared at her for a good minute, noticing that she extended her hand toward him multiple times, only to drop it to her side. 

Here’s the thing: Justin’s feelings were so confusing that he didn’t know which way was up right now. In this moment, he wanted the comfort of Lainie’s arms around him desperately, but the thing was, he didn’t think he deserved it. And the bitch of it was, even if he did think so, he didn’t know how to ask for it. He hadn’t had to the last few times they’d provided comfort, so now that he was in the position where they gave him space and options and choices, Justin didn’t know what to do with it. He’d never asked someone for a hug, mainly because he knew that at best, he’d be ignored, and at worst, he’d be humiliated. 

Lainie muttered something that may have been a curse; Justin hadn’t been paying enough attention to hear it, though. She nodded to herself. “Can I hug you, Justin?” 

The question surprised him, and though he wanted to say yes, he couldn’t get the words out. He was ashamed of himself for wanting it, and ashamed of himself for not being strong enough to handle things on his own. Between one second and the next, Justin was crying. It wasn’t quiet, and it sure as hell wasn’t pretty. The sobs that escaped were loud and harsh. It felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest, and he couldn’t breathe. When he felt arms wrap around him, the band of pressure around his heart eased up a little, and with it a fresh bout of tears came. It took a long time for the tears to stop, and to his surprise, once they did, Lainie didn’t let him go, kept her arms tight around him. She stroked his hair with one hand, the other one resting softly on his back. “She never did this for me,” he whispered quietly. Her hand stilled for a few seconds, then resumed its movement. “I used to cry myself to sleep on so many nights when I was a kid, and she never once held my hand, or stroked my hair or kissed my forehead. She either ignored me or told me to man up.” He sniffled, didn’t try to wipe the fresh tears away; too afraid that if he moved, she would too. He didn’t know why he was saying this about his mom, knew that it made him a horrible person. But Justin needed to get it out, needed someone to tell him that what he was feeling was okay. 

Because, try as he might, he couldn’t erase the resentment he felt toward his mother. His _dead_ mother. And maybe a part of him was trying to justify what he did. He tried not to dwell on that part. See, the thing that confused him was that there were two voices inside his head, both equally loud. One said that his actions were what set his mother’s death in motion, and the other told him that she had. He didn’t know which one to listen to. 

So he asked. 

“Do you think I got my mom killed?” 

Lainie instantly tried to move him away, probably to look him in the eye. Justin tightened his arms around her, because he didn’t think he could get this out if he was looking her in the eye, and she got the hint. “Honey, no. it wasn’t your fault.” 

“I stole the money, and it made him go after her. Doesn’t that make it my fault?” He sounded like a child, asking for reassurance. To be honest, asking Lainie about this felt a little bit like cheating, like a cop out. He knew without asking that she would never tell him that he got his mother killed, even if she thought he did -and maybe that was a big part of why he’d asked- but he also knew that he asked because she’d give him reasons, proof of what she was saying. She was a lawyer, after all. He hoped to god her arguments were good, because he wanted something, anything, to help him sleep at night. 

“No, baby, it doesn’t.” Lainie got comfortable against the headboard of his bed, pulling him along with her. His head was resting on her chest, and her heartbeat nearly lulled him to sleep. When she spoke, her words were quiet, and a little shaky. “When I was seventeen, I snuck out to go to a party. My parents were out to dinner, so I thought I’d get away with it, but then the cops showed up to the party, and I went to a friend’s house. I couldn’t walk home because I was drunk it wasn’t safe, so I called my dad. He was so angry at me, and so scared. Once I got off the phone with my dad, I got ready and I waited for him. I waited for him for an hour but he didn’t show up. Then I got the call. He’d gotten into an accident, and because of that accident, he would never walk again.” Her breath hitched, and Justin tightened his arms around her, hoping it’d make her feel better. She took a breath and continued, “He was also drunk.” 

Justin sat up, and so did Lainie. She took both his hands in hers. “Our actions set things in motion, yes, but so do others’. The blame game is never ending, and damaging. It’s also one that gets worse the better you get at it. You can’t blame yourself for what happened to your mother without blaming her for it, too. You stole the money, yes, but you felt the need to because you were alone and scared, you were trying to survive in a world that beat on you on every single turn. The things we do when we’re desperate are not a reflection of us, at least not completely. You and your mother were dealt a shitty hand, it’s no one’s fault this is where it’s lead you.” 

Justin collapsed into her arms like a doll with its strings cut off, not even trying to hold himself up. “Thank you,” he whispered into her shoulder. She tightened her arms around him in response, and she didn’t let go. Justin didn’t fight sleep this time, and hoped that the safety of Lainie’s arms around him would keep the nightmares away. 

…………………………………………………………………………

Justin went back to school on Monday, four days after his mom died. Lainie and Matt being able to convince the school of letting him finish the year instead of having him repeat it is nothing short of a miracle, and he wanted nothing more than to show them that what they did was not for nothing, but he was struggling. Not so much with the work they were giving him to compensate for the time he was away, but more with having to drag himself to school after many sleepless nights, the pitying or, even worse, the judgmental stares, and the constant, overwhelming pressure he felt to just get better. 

His first day was bad, but the ones that followed were a lot worse. Everyone was trying to act normal, trying to include him, but Justin wasn’t even trying. It didn’t take them much to stop trying to get him involved and accept his quiet presence. Clay didn’t like it, none of them seemed to, but they left him alone. 

He went to the therapist the Jensen’s found regularly, and the old man was a godsend. At first, Justin hadn’t really liked the idea of going, but after their first appointment, he realized how much it helped to have someone listen and offer advice and no judgment. Matt and Lainie were amazing people, and he knew they wouldn’t judge him, but the thoughts that were in his head were all jumbled up and Dr. Eliot helped him organize them coherently, and he was brutally honest, and that helped. 

“Justin, Honey? You can go in now,” Sarah, Dr. Eliot’s secretary, who happened to be his wife, told him sweetly. He smiled at her, and her own smile widened. She handed him a plate full of cookies. “Take these in with you, will you? And tell the old man to share.” 

“I heard that!” His therapist called out, startling a laugh out of Justin. 

“You were meant to!” 

He was still laughing when he entered the office. Dr. Eliot got up and took the cookie plate from Justin, putting it on the coffee table and dragging the table so that it was in easy reach for both of them, but not between them. 

“How are you doing today, Justin?” 

He didn’t know how to answer that, so he just shrugged.

“Use your words, kiddo,” he chided, but there was a kind smile on his face that put Justin at ease. 

“I’m not okay.” 

“And why is that?” 

Justin laughed bitterly. “My mom died five days ago.” 

The doctor was visibly startled, but it only took a second for the shock to be replaced with sorrow. It still took him by surprise how much Dr. Eliot seemed to care. 

“I’m very sorry for your loss, Justin. Is it something you feel we need to talk about in this session, or do you want to put it off? This is on your terms.” 

Justin swallowed thickly and shut his eyes. “I think I need to. But- it’s a- it’s a long story, Doc.” 

The doctor waved his hand dismissively. “We’ve got nothing but time, kiddo.” 

“My mom got pregnant with me when she was sixteen, and dad bailed on her after he found out. She- for as long as I remember, she was never alone. There was always a boyfriend or whatever. They were never good people. I-“ He looked up from his hands and tried to read the doctor’s expression. It was as open and patient as it had always been. “I know it doesn’t seem like it has anything to do with mom dying, but-“ he shrugged helplessly. 

The older man shook his head. “If you think it does, then I want to hear it, Justin. I want you to talk to me about anything you need to get off your chest. Go ahead,” he gestured for him to continue. 

“A lot of them ignored me, or just shouted at me and mocked me. But some of them beat me, and some of them-“ he had to swallow, hard, and couldn’t get himself to look at the doctor’s face. Justin regretted talking about this, and he wanted nothing more than to tell the doctor to forget he’d said anything. The thing was, he knew the doc would let it go if he asked him to, and that was why he wouldn’t say the words out loud; because he knew he needed to talk to someone about this. He cleared his throat and clasped his hands tightly. “-some of them would say some creepy things that I was too young to understand or look at me in a way that freaked me out. But only one of them, Jason, actually- he… can I- can I,” Justin stuttered, unable to get his breathing under control. The doctor noticed immediately and scooted closer to him, though he didn’t touch him in any way. 

“Justin, I need you to focus on your breathing and I need you to ground yourself. You remember how to do that?” 

Justin nodded jerkily, and the doctor smiled. “Good, can you do it now?” 

Justin inhaled, nodded and closed his eyes. He began to count back from one hundred, but he kept missing a number or two along the way. 

“Do it over, Justin. Try to focus,” the doctor reminded him gently. 

He closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind. He tried it again, and this time it worked like it always did. The doc had given him a lot of tips on how to ground himself and they’d helped him a lot, but never as much as they did these past few days. 

“Will you be able to continue, Justin, or would you like to cut this short?” 

“I want to keep going,” he told him hesitantly, wringing his hands. 

“Alright.” 

“Seth was with her the longest, and apart from Jason, he was the worst. He beat me and she did nothing, always told me it was my fault he hit me, that I brought it on myself.” 

“Did you believe her?” 

Justin stared at him incredulously. “Of course I did, I was fourteen years old and-“ he shook his head. “Maybe I shouldn’t talk about this?” 

Dr. Eliot frowned. “Why not?” 

“Because I hate myself for what I… Whenever I remember stuff like that, I resent her, and then I hate myself for it. And it’s this never ending push and pull, you know?” 

“Can you tell me more?” 

“He kicked me out and she didn’t even try to stop him, so I was homeless for a while. But then Clay got me back and I- I messed up.” He looked up and into the doctor’s kind eyes. “I took Seth’s money. And it was a lot of money. I told mom she better be out of the house before Seth got there, when she tried to stop me. It got her killed. _I_ got her killed.” Justin shook his head. “But that’s- It doesn’t erase what she did to me. It doesn’t stop me from hating her for leaving me alone, for not protecting me, for making me feel worthless, but it should, right? She’s dead, and I shouldn’t be thinking that-“ 

“Justin, take a deep breath. Stop if you need to.” 

Justin breathed in and out for a few seconds, then shook his head shamefully. “I’m a horrible person. How can I hate her when she died because of me, _for_ me?” 

“Listen to me, no one has the right to tell you how to feel, okay? Everything you feel is valid. What happened to you was not easy, Justin. What you’re going through is not easy. So, listen to me. Are you listening?” 

Justin nodded. “Acknowledge your feelings, all of them, can you do that? I want you to accept what you’re feeling towards your mother _and_ her death. What your mother did, may god rest her soul, was not right. You are a child, her child, and you should’ve been protected better. I don’t know what her circumstances were, but she had a responsibility to keep you safe and cared for.” 

Justin said nothing, merely stared at him. “Doesn’t change anything,” he shook his head, refusing to entertain the possibility that Dr. Eliot is right. 

“Doesn’t it? Tell me something, Justin. If your mother had provided you with a stable home, if she had actively protected you and didn’t let Seth into your lives, would you be here? In this position?” 

He leaned closer to Justin. “I’m not blaming her, maybe she did the best she could with what she was given, and you may have messed up, but it doesn’t mean what happened was your fault. You are a good person, who has made mistakes. But you never set out to hurt anyone; all you ever did was try to look after yourself, because no one else did.” 

“I did so many horrible things. How can you justify any of it?” He exclaimed angrily. 

“I’m not justifying what you did; I’m giving it context. None of the things you did were ever intentional.“ 

“I didn’t protect Jess,” Justin pointed out. Dr. Eliot paused, and Justin sat back, staring at the man. 

The man looked him in the eye. “That one is more grey than black or white. Maybe you could’ve fought Bryce more, maybe you should’ve broken down the door, or maybe you should’ve called the police or any of the people downstairs-“ with every possible action the doctor listed, Justin felt the walls closing in more. “-but you never thought of that, did you? You were panicking and in shock and it blinded you, because that was Bryce in there; the guy you considered to be your brother.” 

“And he was raping my girlfriend, the girl I loved.” The tears finally escaped, and Justin didn’t try to wipe them off. 

“If a car comes at someone and their response is to freeze because they’re so scared, and it kills them, would you say it was their fault for freezing and not running? How we deal with something when we’re scared or traumatized is not up to us, though god knows we’d love for it to be. Could you have done something for what came after? Probably. But you’re just a kid, and you can’t always know what’s right and wrong. What you can do is own up to your mistakes, learn from them and try to be better, which is something I can tell that you’re doing.” 

Justin tried to process what he’d been told, but he couldn’t quite manage it. “You really think it wasn’t my fault that he- that Bryce raped Jessica?” 

“It wasn’t yours as much as it wasn’t Hannah’s, kid.” 

It knocked the breath out of him, but it also felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest. It wasn’t an excuse, the doc hadn’t said that, but it made Justin feel just a little less guilty. And it helped, so much, to hear someone lay it out objectively and talk him through it. 

The doctor checked his watch and smiled at Justin. “Our session is coming to an end. What I want you to do is to write down all your feelings toward your mother, and decide what you want to work through with me in our upcoming sessions, because I think we still have a lot things to work through in that regard, okay?” 

Justin nodded and stood up. The doctor did the same. “Stay safe, and take care of yourself, Kid, alright?” 

…………………………………………………………………………………………………….

When Justin left the doctor’s office, he was still reeling. He hadn’t planned on telling the doctor about what Jason had done to him when he was young, but he needed someone to understand what he was going through, that though he loved his mom, he still hated her for the things she’d done to him and the things she hadn’t protected him from. He walked on aimlessly, and after a while, he sat on a bench and took in the view; the clear water, the pier, the bridge. Justin inhaled deeply, and was glad he’d come here; because for the first time in what felt like forever, he could breath, and _just be_. He rested his head on the back of the bench and stared at the sky, then closed his eyes and- 

When he opened them again, it was dark out. He scrambled off the bench, and ran all the way home. God, how could he have been so stupid. Matt and Lainie must be so worried, now. When he turned the corner, he saw police cars, and faltered. Were they there for him? He cautiously walked closer and closer and saw the sheriff talking to Matt, who was holding a crying Lainie in his arms. Clay, who was standing off to the side, noticed him first. “Justin?!” 

Lainie’s head snapped up from where it was hidden in Matt’s shirt, and when her eyes found his, Justin found himself fighting back tears. She closed the space between them in a few paces, and then he was in her arms. “This is the second time this has happened. You can’t keep doing this. I was so worried, honey,” she sobbed. “I thought Seth-“ she cut herself off and then pulled away from him. She framed his face, and her expression changed into one of anger. It wasn’t the anger that Justin was used to dealing with, but one that came from worry, and Justin had no idea how to handle that. “Where were you, Justin?” 

“I didn’t- I was sitting on a bench, but I fell asleep. I didn’t mean to, I swear.” 

She smiled softly, and wiped tears he didn’t know had escaped off his face. “Okay,” she soothed. “Next time, talk to us. Tell us what’s going on in that head of yours, alright?” 

He scoffed. “I don’t think you’ll want to know.” 

“We always will, Justin,” Lainie told him sternly. “Always.” 

Matt seemed to be waiting for the right moment to cut in, and when he saw the lull in their conversation, he took advantage of it. “Kid, you scared the hell out of us.” 

Justin looked down in shame, and Matt clapped him on the shoulder gently. He flinched a little at the unexpected contact, and noticed Matt withdrawing his hand in disappointment. He shut his eyes tightly. He knew Matt wasn’t like Seth and the others, and yet for some reason he still flinched at the touches he couldn’t see coming. He searched Matt’s face for disappointment, but all he found was a deep compassion that still bemused Justin. “I’m sorry,” he told the older man. 

Matt’s smile was small. “It’s alright, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for, kid. I cleared things with Bill, so let’s all go to bed and call it a day, alright?” 

He realizes belatedly that Clay isn’t outside anymore, and wonders if he’d already messed up the second chance he’d been given.

………………………………………..

When Justin entered his room, he nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw Clay sitting on his bed. “Jesus, Clay! What the hell?” 

“Why didn’t you answer when I called? A fucking test would’ve been enough. Do you have any idea what we went through in the past three hours?” 

Justin slowly made his way over to the bed and sat down beside his brother. Shoulder to shoulder, he could feel a subtle trembling in Clay’s body. He laughed suddenly, bitterly. “Sometimes I forget, you know?”

Clay frowned. “Forget what?” 

Justin turned his head sideways and looked him in the eyes. “That I have a home now. That being gone for three hours is enough to warrant a call to the sheriff, when before, I’d be gone for three days before sh- before anyone would even notice.” 

Clay tried to subtly wipe his tears away, but Justin noticed and he smiled softly. That was new, too; someone caring about him enough to cry _for him._ “Clay-“ 

He just shook his head. “I just want to help.” 

“You do, every day. But some things are- they’re messy and complicated. There’s a lot going on up here-” he tapped his temple twice, “-that even I can’t make sense of.” 

Clay blew out a frustrated breath. “Have you tried talking about it?” 

Justin raised an eyebrow, gently hitting Clay upside the head. He ignored the indignant squeak the other boy let out. “Why do you think I’ve going to therapy, dumbass?” 

“How’s that going, by the way?” 

“Good. Better than I expected it to be. I think you should try it,” he probed gently. He knew Matt and Lainie wanted Clay to try therapy, had hoped seeing Justin go would encourage him to try it too. It hadn’t, and after three months of trying, they’d stopped asking him outright; instead opting for more subtle nudges that, so far had done nothing to change his brother’s mind. 

“We’re not talking about me right now, Justin,” Clay exclaimed, glaring at him. 

Justin scoffed. “Maybe we should be.” 

Clay’s glare intensified. “I’m not the one whose mother just died.” 

Justin flinched. When he managed to look up, he saw that Clay’s face had turned white. He waved off the apology he knew was coming when Clay opened his mouth. They sat in a somewhat comfortable silence, and Clay being Clay, broke it after only a few seconds. 

“It’s frustrating; knowing there’s something bothering and you refusing to talk to me about it.” 

The admission broke something in Justin, since he hadn’t meant for Clay to feel like he didn’t trust him. The thing was, Justin was ashamed. Ashamed of his feelings, of how he was refusing to allow himself to move on just because he knew he shouldn’t be able to do it so easily. 

“I don’t want the way you feel about me to change,” Justin confessed quietly. He scooted back until his back hit the wall and curled in on himself. Clay turned around halfway and stared at him incredulously. 

“That can never happen. After everything that we’ve been through, how can you even think that, Justin?” 

“I don’t miss my mom,” he blurted out. Clay was shocked, Justin could tell, but it was hopefully because of Justin’s outburst and not his words. “I feel guilty for it, and I feel guilty that I got her killed, and I love her, but _I don’t miss her_, Clay. What kind of person does that make me?” 

Clay was quiet for a long time; long enough to make Justin regret telling him, but then he scooted back until they were shoulder to shoulder, and sighed quietly. “I don’t blame you.” 

Justin nearly collapsed in relief. 

“We may sleep in different rooms, but the walls are pretty thin. You know how many times I woke up to you screaming?” Justin felt his face heat in embarrassment. Clay rolled his eyes. “Not like I don’t do the same to you. The point is, Justin, I know your life with your mom wasn’t all that good, and anyone in your shoes would feel the same way you’re feeling now. And it’s okay.” 

Justin lowered his head into his hands and sobbed; his whole body shaking with it. Clay’s words were liberating, and it felt like the noose around Justin’s neck had loosened a little bit. He felt Clay’s arms come around him in a tentative hug, and Justin leaned sideways into it. Clay responded by tightening his arms around him. About a minute or two later, Justin pulled away and wiped away his tears, not commenting on the fact that Clay was doing the same. 

Clay cleared his throat. “Wanna watch a movie?” 

Justin smiled. “Yeah, sure.” 

“Alright, let me go grab my laptop.” 

“We can use mine,” Justin argued. 

“Movies take forever to load on your laptop,” Clay shot back, already off the bed and halfway to the door. 

“That doesn’t make any sense, you idiot. We’re connected to the same-“ 

“We’re watching on mine, Justin.” 

Justin huffed. “Fine.”

“_Fine_.”

……………..

“Matt, should we check in on them?” 

Matt looked up from his phone. “What?” 

“Should we check on the boys?” 

Matt waved a hand dismissively. “Nah, they haven’t killed each other, or we would’ve heard.” 

“That’s really funny, Matt,” Lainie said, deadpan. 

Matt raised an eyebrow. “Then why aren’t you laughing?” He asked, poking her gently in the side. 

She laughed. “Matt! I’m being serious.” 

He wrapped his arms around her. “I know you are, honey. But, you know as well as I do that even though they fight about pretty much everything, they care about each other a lot.” 

Lainie relaxed into his hug for a few seconds, then reluctantly disentangled herself from his arms. Matt sighed. “You’re going to check on them, aren’t you?” 

She answered without looking back. “Yup.” 

She heard him laugh as she went up the stairs. She opened the door to Clay’s room and found it empty, so she went to Justin’s. When she opened the door, the sight that greeted her was one of the most adorable things she’d ever seen. Justin was sitting up on the bed, a laptop perched on his thighs, while Clay’s head was resting on Justin’s chest. She took out her phone, and snapped a couple of photos of them. They would serve as both a cute memory and blackmail material, two things she would never have enough of. She felt hands come around her waist, and she leaned back against her husband’s chest. 

“I’m so glad we took him in.” 

Matt kissed her temple. “I am, too. Think we should wake them?” 

“No, let them sleep; they need it.” 

Lainie quietly stepped inside, grabbing a blanket off the foot of the bed. She lifted the laptop off Justin’s lap, and deftly maneuvered him so that he was lying down. Clay moved off his brother with a quiet grumble, and Lainie suppressed a laugh, covering them both with the blanket. She kissed both their foreheads, enjoying the quiet sigh of content it elicited from Justin. 

She joined Matt in the doorway, and took his hand. 

“I love you,” he told her with a smile, kissing her tenderly. 

She smiled. “Love you, too.”

………………………………….. 

Two weeks after school started, Justin got a job at Monet’s, and it turned out a lot better than he expected. It’s decent pay, especially because the only thing he needed to spend the money on was himself, and it had a few perks, like a certain amount of free drinks. The majority of those free drinks were used up by Clay, and though Justin acted like it was an inconvenience, he didn’t actually mind it. 

In his second week on the job, when the door opened, Justin was surprised to see Alex. Justin hadn’t seen him come in once ever since he started. He’d thought it was about him, but there was no reason for Alex to avoid him anymore. They’d been tentatively building their friendship back, and though it was slow going, it pleased Justin. Before he could overthink it, he called out the other boy’s name. 

Alex’s head turned toward his voice, and when their eyes locked, Justin felt his heart flutter. He put a hand to his chest, uncomfortable with the reaction seeing Alex had caused. Accepting he had a crush on Alex was a hard pill to swallow, but he’d had to for the sake of his sanity. And it seemed to be obvious- so obvious _Clay_ had picked up on it- except to Alex, who was as oblivious as ever. Justin didn’t know whether it should frustrate or please him, and he tried not to think too much about it. 

Alex leaned against the counter, and smiled. It was small, but so beautiful that Justin could do nothing but smile back. “What do you want to drink?” 

Alex seemed to think it over, and Justin noticed a small furrow between his brows and grinned. It was so endearing, that he was thinking so seriously about a coffee order. “A Latte, word around here is yours are pretty good.” 

Justin, grin impossibly wide, nodded proudly. “Alright, one Latte coming right up!” 

Helena, the girl he worked with raised an eyebrow at him. “What?” He asked defensively. 

“Never seen you so happy to make a latte,” she told him quietly, a smirk on her face as she shot a look at Alex. 

Justin flushed. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

She picked up a tray and grinned. “Aha.” 

“Hey- screw you, Helena,” he called after her, not caring about what the customers. Helena held the tray in one hand and raised her middle finger behind her back. 

He put the latte cup in the counter in front of Alex. “This one’s on me.” 

Alex tried to protest, but Justin was adamant. When Alex smiled at him again, Justin all but melted, and realized he was smiling at him like a fool. He tried to rein it in, told himself to get it together, but it was really fucking hard. Hiding his feelings, as much as he could at least, was getting harder the closer they got. 

“Hey, when’s your break?” 

He opened his mouth to answer, but Helena beat him to it. “He can take one now,” she said, practically pushing him out from behind the counter. 

Alex laughed when Justin stumbled and glared at Helena, and Justin thought he wouldn’t mind embarrassing himself all the time if it meant it got Alex to laugh like that. “Don’t you want to get a drink?” 

“Nah, I already had my coffee today.” 

They found a table adjacent to the windows and sat down. To Justin, it felt a little awkward at first, but then the conversation started to flow better and he relaxed. They ended up talking about school, Alex mostly teasing Justin about his utter hopelessness in anything except PE and English. 

“I can tutor you, if you want?” 

Justin grinned and eagerly nodded. “Yeah, sure.” Clay had already started tutoring him, but Alex didn’t need to know that. If it meant spending more time with Alex, he was willing to suffer through everything twice. 

Alex laughed self-consciously. “Actually, it’ll probably be the both of us just freaking out about the material since I missed a lot of school too.” 

Justin just smiled at him. “That actually sounds good too.” He looked down at the table, then back up at Alex. “I just want us to be friends, you know? Studying together will be good for that, right?” 

Alex visibly softened. “It’s a good start, yeah.” 

Justin beamed, running a hand through his hair, his face turned toward the street. His eyes caught sight of a tall figure outside, and everything stopped. 

“Well, when do you-“ Alex was saying, but to Justin it sounded like static. Seth was here. 

“Seth,” he whispered, not taking his eyes off him. Seth, when he noticed Justin looking, actually waved at him. Rage filled him up slowly, and he was paralyzed. 

A hand on his jolted him, and he turned to Alex, who was watching him worriedly. “Did you just say Seth? Is he here, Justin?” 

He swallowed thickly. “No, he’s not.” 

Alex’s eyes hardened. “Don’t lie to me, and be smart about this. If he’s here, I can call my dad, and he’ll have him arrested.” 

Justin nodded. “He’s here.” 

Alex wasted no time in taking out his phone and calling his dad. Justin chanced a look outside and saw that Seth wasn’t there anymore. “He’s gone,” he whispered. 

Alex must’ve not heard him. “Hey, dad- Oh, god,” He whispered, staring at something behind him. 

Justin whirled around, and his eyes widened when he saw Seth pointing a gun at him. He stood up and held up his hands. “Seth-“ 

“Shut the fuck up, or I kill everyone here; and I’ll start with your little boyfriend.” The gun moved down and away from Justin, in Alex’s direction, and Justin moved to cover him on instinct. 

He held up his hands higher. “Don’t hurt anybody, okay? I’ll do anything, please.” 

Seth pointed at the door. “Come with me.” 

Justin nodded quickly, but before he could take a step, Alex grabbed his wrist in a death grip. “You can’t go, Justin. He’ll kill you,” Alex pleaded. He looked scared out of his mind, so Justin put his other hand on his. “I’m gonna-“ 

A shot rang out, and someone screamed in pain. When he looked at where the noise came from, he saw a boy a little older than him clutching his bleeding arm. Seth smirked. “No one call the cops, you understand?” He turned to Justin, eyes cold. “The next one will be I your boyfriend’s head if you don’t move,” he told him furiously. 

Justin nodded and wrenched his hand away from Alex’s grip. Once he was within arm’s reach, Seth grabbed the back of his shirt and hauled him out of the café and into the car. The last thing he saw before Seth drove off was Alex running out of Monet’s, his hands buried in his head, and talking on the phone.

Justin turned back around and stared ahead, hopeless. 

“Take out your phone, and call your new mommy. We’ve got some business to take care of, she and I.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this! Please, let me know in the comments what you thought..
> 
> The end is near, you guys!!!


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